In our culture, homosexuality is discussed only when it presents a problem — for the armed forces, for closeted gay students in high school, for those who imagine gays are undermining society. Rarely is homosexuality credited with the creation of something positive and lasting. Desire brought my boyfriend and me together. And it's simple desire that brings most couples, gay or straight, together. Responsibly acted on, this desire is a good thing in and of itself, and it can often lead to other good things. Like strong, healthy families.

I wonder if the issue of gay marriage is going to be like other civil-rights issues. Liberals will argue for it, conservatives will be opposed, but it eventually will happen because enough conservatives will realize there is no danger to it and, besides, it's just plain wrong to deny people rights simply because they are different.

The position of social conservatives on civil rights for blacks went something like this:

1. I am against civil rights for blacks! Everything is working fine the way it is now. Why change it?

2. Well, okay, maybe they deserve a few more rights, but certainly not as many rights as I.

3. Of COURSE blacks deserve equal rights with everyone else. I've always thought that. What an outrage to suggest it should be any other way.

As tiring as it is to imagine, I think the answer is that, yes, the process will look like this. Just fill in the blanks:

1. I am against marriage rights for gays! Everything is working fine the way it is now. Why change it? [I.e., marriage is a "unique," and therefore exclusive, institution.]

2. Well, okay, maybe they deserve a few more rights, but certainly not as many rights as I. [I.e., "domestic partnership," as long as it is inferior to heterosexual partner rights in some way.]

3. Of COURSE gays deserve equal marriage rights with everyone else. I've always thought that. What an outrage to suggest it should be any other way.

It will be a long, slow process. It took a while for social conservatives to see blacks as people--they were always "other," and conservatives had a list of fine reasons to distinguish themselves from blacks in a way that justified different rules for different folks.

Right now there is a very large portion of America that simply isn't familiar with gays. For some Americans, the most significant exposure they have had to the gay community may have been in one of those anti-gay propaganda films or presentations that pop up whenever a ballot measure giving gays equal rights ("special" rights) comes around. You know--one of those films or speeches that focuses on fists going up anuses, so as to define the entire gay community by shocking sexual practices.