Dan Savage, who is by far the best advice columnist working, wrote a book about adopting a child with his boyfriend. The Kid: What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to Go Get Pregnant: An Adoption Story (linked below) is not only remarkable because it has two colons in the title, but also because it offers a great opportunity for social conservatives to cast off their prejudices and appreciate just how wonderful those homos can be.

Here's the story: There once was a drug-using, alcohol-abusing young woman. She got knocked up and had the kid. Now, who do you want raising this little boy--the mostly homeless young drug addict, or two financially stable, loving parents who have long yearned to raise a child but are unable to have one of their own? Does it matter that both of these parents have penises?

As intolerance of and ignorance about the gay and lesbian community become potentially major issues for the 2004 elections, I can't imagine that questions such as this will be going away any time soon. Savage wrote about the shocking idea that "gay" and "family" are not antithetical recently in the New York Times:

Gay groups called for Mr. Santorum's head, while antigay groups like the Family Research Council, once headed by Gary Bauer, rushed to defend him. But Mr. Santorum needn't worry about his leadership post. Unlike the former majority leader, Mr. Santorum didn't slip up and say something in plain English that every good Republican knows must only be said in code. Unlike Republican appeals to racist voters, Republican appeals to homophobic voters are overt. During the 2000 campaign, Alan Keyes appeared on the same stage as George Bush and denounced the "radical homosexual agenda" that he said was destroying the American family. Candidate Bush, now President Bush, failed to respond, even though his running mate's daughter is a lesbian.

But gays and lesbians are more than just sons and daughters. We're moms and dads, too. My boyfriend and I adopted a son five years ago, and we plan to adopt again. As more same-sex couples start families, it's going to be harder for Republicans like Mr. Santorum to say we are somehow a threat to the American family.

As much as it may dismay Mr. Santorum and his defenders, there really is no word other than "family" to describe the three people who live in my house. When it comes to marriage rights, gays and lesbians are willing to play semantic games. We will use awkward phrases like "civil union" and "domestic partnership" so long as we can get what our families really need: the rights, responsibilities and safeguards of legal marriage. But two adults who love each other and are raising children together? What are we if not a family? What other word is there for us?

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