There have been growing requests for more insight into the American higher educational system, specifically, how to ease the process of "getting through" college. After a great deal of painstaking research and interviews with various college professors and advisors, I have compiled what I think will be a help to prospective students and those who wish to improve their college experience.

Because of the daunting nature of undertaking a college education, it's easy to get lost in the beginning stages of choosing a major. The following is a step-by-step formula for approaching a successful college experience:

First you'll need to start by making a list of those things that you think you are good at. Take several three by five cards and begin by writing on each card, a talent or gift that you have. When you're done, take those cards and place them carefully in the garbage. Now light the contents of the trash bin on fire.

One of the misconceptions that some of you young students have, is that you know what you want out of life, that you know what you have to offer the world. You are wrong. You have no idea what you have to offer; you have not taken the World Talent and Job Search Database Test.

Start by going to your local school library, and explain to them that you are there to take the WTJS test. You will then be guided into a dark room, where there sits a computer, probably from the 1970's, with ample dust, enough to "cure" an asthmatic, if you know what I mean. Start by answering the questions that the WTJS asks. Some of the sample questions on the current WTJS are:

1. What is your favorite color?
2. What are your interests?
3. What careers are related to your interests?
4. Then why are you asking me? I'm just a computer. Besides, I don't even KNOW you...sicko.

At this point the computer will give you the error "WTJS SHUTTING DOWN DUE TO...ARG!!...(cough) (gargle)....LONG LIVE THE KING!!!" Then the computer will reboot and spit out a printout of the results that were generated from the WTJS, based on the important psychological and probing questions that were posed. At the bottom of the printout are the results. It may read something like "Prepare for an exciting career in Exotic Q-Tip Design!" Or something. Whatever it is, this is the career that will satisfy you for the rest of your days.