http://blogcritics.org/ A sinister cabal of superior bloggers on music, books, film, popular culture, politics, and technology - updated continuously. en Copyright 2005 by the authors Thu, 10 Apr 2003 18:05:51 EDT http://backend.userland.com/rss Blogcritics.org custom software http://blogcritics.org/archives/2003/04/08/192954.php#comment-7526 Thank you so much Henry! I take your point about men's hot wires...But genetic predispositions still don't excuse a total lack of cool. Women are genetically inclined to cry once a month. But that doesn't mean we are not required to maintain professional demeanors even during those times. Cephus, you are right, women do dramatically inapproriate things too. It's not okay for a woman to use a man for her own purposes (saviour, tease-puppet, whatever). Your platonic Chica should not overstep intimacy and give you details you don't want. But then, you shouldn't accept details you don't want. A breezy and firm, "Sounds rough, but I'm sure you'll figure out what to do. Gotta go!" works wonders. Of course, a person inclined to do one inappropriate thing might just keep on walking down that same path. That's the risky thing. Rebecca, I truly like your idea. But then I bridle at having to change my habits because of his idiocy. I should be able to socialize where I choose. Maybe I'll just choose to sit at a different table. Betsy, yes! He is sneaky and icky to talk to me this way. What does he want? Some kind of scraps from the table? He should have more pride than that. _I_ have more pride than that. Shoo! 7526@blogcritics.org Thu, 10 Apr 2003 18:05:51 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2003/04/08/192954.php#comment-7516 Sweetie, a man that truely had self esteem issues wouldn't tell you that he had self esteem issues. He would keep that to himself and never openly admit it- that's part of having a self esteem issue in the first place. Continue to treat him as a colleague, but under no circumstances allow him to start an awkward conversation that starts with "I really shouldn't be saying this..." or any other such nonsense. Speaking from experience, this will only end your professional relationship in a nasty, heinous way. Also, if he were truely a friend that already knew you had a boyfriend, why would he be purposely putting you in such an awkward situation? In your place, I would continue to work with him professionally, but not interact with him on a friendship basis. Any man that hits on somebody that he knows is intimately involved and intends to stay that way is just a little two untrustworthy to have around. 7516@blogcritics.org Thu, 10 Apr 2003 16:57:07 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2003/04/08/192954.php#comment-7393 do what a guy would do. avoid him at all costs. 7393@blogcritics.org Wed, 9 Apr 2003 17:01:32 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2003/04/08/192954.php#comment-7363 I didnt see an answer up there that I would have picked. I dont think this guys advances warrant a negative response from your nor should you placate his emotions. I think you should just say to him what you just said in your blog. You saw him as a colleague and werent interested in anything more with him. If he ever steps out of line after your honesty he obviously cant handle himself as an adult (regardless of whethere male or female) and needs to be left alone. You have to watch out though because what I find from a lot of woman is that although they are mistaken from being friendly - sometimes when they do want more they dont know how to go about it and try to cozy up in a friendly way often confusing the male friend as to what they really want. I have had situations where I have been a friend of a woman and had her start telling me intimate details about her personal life as though she were looking for me to step in and save her. This has happened on several occassions. I have also had situations where I thought the situation was platonic, light and airy until I mentioned I was seeing some one and the person literally transformed personalities right in front of my eyes. This is a double standard women often have with regard to men. They want to keep you at arms distance until they decide what they want to do with you and then once they decide where you fit they couldnt care less how you feel or are affected by it. 7363@blogcritics.org Wed, 9 Apr 2003 13:34:44 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2003/04/08/192954.php#comment-7353 E, definitely E. Just kidding, kind of. You have to remember, as men, we are genetically hotwired to become aroused at the slightest hint of interest we perceive(intended or not). I had a friend who thought every women who spoke to him without hostility wanted him. The kind of guy that hit on my girlfriend when I went to buy her popcorn at the drive in. Of course, on the other hand, this poofer sounds like a real lame-o, not someone a red hot, independent hottie like yourself should become involved with. 7353@blogcritics.org Wed, 9 Apr 2003 12:01:47 EDT