That usually sobers Tyson right up.

My next google-fight was the "Chicken Versus Egg", to determine "Which Came First?" bragging rights once and for all.

Before the fight, the Chicken appeared cocksure. She strutted around the ring, trash-talking the egg.

"I'm gonna cluck you up, pal!" and so forth.

The egg said nothing. It sat atop a shot glass, exhibiting a quiet strength. It only wanted to throw off the yoke of oppression the chicken has held it under for many years.

The bell rang. The chicken flew into a fury.

The egg got scrambled.

Chicken (6,960,000 Results)

Egg (2,910,000)

But the Chicken's victory was short-lived. The fight had worked up a powerful hunger in the crowd.

The next thing you knew, somebody had cut the chicken's head off. It then tried to run.

It didn't get far before its corpse was caught, plucked, quartered, deep fried, and eaten.

The moral of this fight? The chicken might've come first, but the egg got the last laugh.

Next on the bill?

Another Title Fight: Alcoholism Versus Sobriety

This one was no contest. Alcoholism (with 761,000 Results) beat Sobriety (211,000) into hopeless submission.

By the end of the fight, Sobriety was weaving to and fro, talking gibberish and, finally, passed out.

Alcoholism declared itself, "Ten Feet Tall and the Best Fighter in the World!"

A sobering thought, indeed.

It was a dark day at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings worldwide after the fight, believe you me.

These results are something we should all think about. One day at a time.

For the lovers of "Conceptual Humor Fights", I put "Either Versus Or" on the card.

Personally, I didn't care who won.

Either/Or, people.

Yes, since time immorial, either/or have been as close as two words can get without contraction.

But that was all going to end tonight.

Or whooped Either - 530,000,000 to 42,200,000!

And, finally...

Since my web log is called "The World According to Pete", I thought I'd see how I'd fare against The World.

The World kicked my ass. Again.

This time, on google-fight, with results of 153,000,000 versus my paltry 227,000.

But I won't despair. And I won't give up.

So, what am I going to do tonight? The same thing I do every night, Pinky.

TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

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