Is President George W. Bush secretly an agent working for Osama bin Laden?

There is no direct evidence of this. There isn't even, to my knowledge, any professionally faked evidence--no aluminum tubes, Niger connections or model-airplane WMDs.

I admit, I don't have as much to work with in proving this hypothesis as Bush, Powell and Rumsfeld had in "proving" theirs.

However, just as the Pentagon (wisely) "games out" the unthinkable as a mind-stretching exercise, it's worth exploring this fantasy Bush/Osama-alliance premise to see what the process yields.

The game: You are President Bush. You are secretly allied with Osama bin Laden, and his goals are your goals. Your immediate aim for your first term in office is this: Secretly help Osama bin Laden as much as you can, while still retaining the support of the Amercan people.

It's a tough task--you need to help the world's leading terrorist, but at the same time, you need to make it look like all that help you are giving him comes from "good intentions." You need to make it to at least Nov 2004 before anyone catches on.

I would suggest that, inevitably, in order to secretly help Osama while still maintaining U.S popular support, you would do the following:

1. START A HOLY WAR, BUT DON'T CALL IT THAT. One of the highest priorities of your boss Osama is to start a holy war that spans the globe. The trick for you, Mr. President, is to start a war that is perceived in the Muslim world as a Christian war on Islam, but not to make too many people in the U.S. think of it that way. So pay some lip service to Islam as a "religion of peace," but fire up that Christian rhetoric, too. Become the most fundamentalist-Christian-sounding President in decades. Say words like "crusade" (oops! I made a "mistake"). Mention God a lot. Term this conflict as a fight between "good" and "evil"--the Muslims of the world will have no problem determining what camp you put them in. For Allah's sake, don't tone down the religious rhetoric. Crank it up to 11. The result will be an inflamed Muslim world and a rah-rah response at home.

2. MAKE THE UNITED STATES LESS FREE. Intimidate the media into supporting your war. Reduce civil rights at home. A nervous nation is an easy-to-manipulate nation. Oh, and be sure to hold any Arab you wish in jail for as long as you wish--Osama loves it when the Muslim world hears that the U.S. is doing exactly those things for which it condemns Arab leaders. It gives him iron-clad evidence of hypocrisy and strips the United States of the moral high ground--historically, one of its most valuable assets in world opinion. Torture would help, too--have your intelligence and military people leak information about specific torture methods the U.S. is using. This will help the right wing of your party feel you are being "tough" while outraging Osama's soldiers (and converting non-soldiers). Secret trials and executions would also help--brag about them. In other words...