Note to the Airlines: If you thought potential terrorist threats were awful for business, keep pissing people off with bad scheduling and you'll really feel the pinch.

While waiting, I made the mistake of going outside to smoke a cigarette. I did mention I had to wait for TWO whole hours, right? Okay, then! So, I had to return through a security checkpoint.

They sure do things differently at Houston's George Bush International Airport. Here, EVERYBODY gets magic-wanded and his or her carry-on bags are thoroughly searched. Hell, even the hardcover book I was carrying was searched, practically page-by-page. The guy really gave it a good thumbing through.

I guess you never know when some yahoo is going to try to sneak a "book bomb" on board, huh? And here I thought it was "Books NOT Bombs", rather than "Books AS Bombs". But I guess the airport police in Houston weren't up on the latest fad in high-school anti-war protesting slogans.

Or, maybe they just don't mess around in Texas. Of course, all the extra security precautions might've had something to do with the fact that the facility was named after the 41st U.S. president. Yeah, that was some good planning there. There's nothing like making yourself an obvious target for terrorism.

And here I was under the assumption that airports were named after former presidents after death. I know they made an exception for Ronald Reagan but, for all intents and purposes, he's already dead, so I don't know if that one counts.

The second flight was uneventful. No sex, no lunch, but it landed in Austin on time.

I'm just kidding about that "on time" part. Obviously.

I don't want to name the airline I used, for fear of losing those lucrative on-blog paid product-placement ads, but let's just say if I had taken a morning flight they'd have served a 'continental breakfast'.

After this, I swear to god, I'll NEVER fly again. In fact, I walked back to Phoenix. I left about the same time my return flight was departing.

I beat the plane home.
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[ Part 2: CIRCLING THE WAGONS AT THE BUSH PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY ]

While in Bryan, Texas, I had a chance to visit the multi-million dollar facility known as '' The George Bush Presidential Library'.

On the way there, driving down 'George Bush Boulevard', I saw where that road intersected with 'Coke Street'. Do I really need to insert a joke at this point? The juxtaposition speaks for itself, I think.

As you might've noticed, a lot of things in Texas are named after the first President Bush. Yes, in Texas, they really like Bush. Men love Bush and, from what I understand, some women do too. More or less being in Texas demands it. Not that there's anything wrong with that, as Seinfeld would say.