Here's part of my "Texas Diaries"...

[ Part 1: WORK HARDER, FLY BETTER ]

I was going to Texas. I had to catch a flight from Phoenix (AZ) to Houston, then from there to Austin where a friend would pick me up.

I was told to get to the airport two or three hours early. Apparently, there was some kind of mishap involving a few planes a while back and it now takes longer than usual to get through security. Whatever.

The first thing I saw upon walking into Phoenix International Airport was a whole gaggle of clowns. About a half dozen people in full clown regalia were gathered in the terminal. Their luggage was standard, not of the "vagabond-hobo" style so popular in clowning circles years ago, which made me think they were on their way to an out-of-town "clown convention" or planned to meet up with a traveling circus elsewhere.

That encounter pretty much set the tone for the rest of the day because, while I didn't know it at the time, I was on my way to the center ring.

An announcement blared over the PA system:

"Do not leave your luggage or personal belongings unattended. Any unattended items may be treated as a danger to the facility."

No announcement, however, on what they'd do with small children left unattended. Just shoot them, I suppose.

We can't be too careful these days.

While waiting in line at the departure checkpoint, I saw a sign, which read: "Those refusing inspection will not be permitted past the security checkpoint."

Well, duh!

The security staff gave everybody a good looking over. Some people even had to remove their shoes and send them through the X-ray machine. Luckily, I didn't.

Note to Self: Next time you take a plane trip, be sure to wear socks.

After passing through the checkpoint successfully, I walked by the area where "questionable" passengers were being scanned with the metal-detecting wand. Or, as I call it, the "terror meter".

A white couple in their seventies were being scrutinized. I don't know about you, but nothing says "terrorist" to me quite like really, really old white people. It warmed my cockles to see the airport staff agreed.

There was also a young man dressed like a clown. The loud shirt, the oversized pants held up by extra wide suspenders, the red-ball nose, and huge clown shoes.

The airport police seemed most interested in those shoes. They were really checking them out. I guess big shoes would be a great place to hide explosives. Just ask Richard Reid, that clown with the exploding sneakers.

But, I really couldn't say.

Just don't tell Osama bin Laden what I saw because there's nothing more frightening than the concept of "Terrorist Clowns." Like we really need to give THAT guy any more bright ideas, right?