I viewed the Daredevil Major Motion Picture Saturday with my friend Rick. I say viewed for a reason, which I'll get to shortly. Sigh. I broke my New Year's resolution of never going to a theater again. I knew I eventually would - there are way too many interesting-looking upcoming films I want to see in the theater/don't have the patience to download. And the afternoon started off so well. We arrived at the Cinema with almost twenty minutes to spare, plenty of time to purchase a snack and find a proper seat. There was no line to speak of, so we we were in the doors within a minute of walking up to the ticket booth. So far, it seemed that THIS would be the one cinematic experience which would make up for all the other Dante's Inferno scenarios I'd been through in the past.

HAHA! SEE, THAT'S HOW THEY GET YOU! And by 'they', I mean the Invisible Goblins which scamper around and about our Nation's Beloved Chain Movie Theaters. They also make you have to go pee at the exact same moment you almost catch a glimpse of Jennifer Garner's very athletic nipples, ruining the whole Daredevil experience for your boys. But that's not what I'm complaining about.

We wandered over to the Concession Stand to load up, and it was eerily desolate, as if we'd stepped through a dimensional portal to the Galaxy Of Pleasant Film Viewing. Alas, this was not that to be. One guy in line, and he's paying for every snack separately, with what appears to be Confederate Scrip. Of course. Finally, a nice young lady behind the counter is touched by the divine hand of healing and overcomes her catatonia long enough to notice that she ought to be running her register, and waves me over. Large Coke, Medium Popcorn, please, half the ice, no butter. For some reason (Goblins, I swear to God I saw one crawl across her hand) the drink cup explodes in her grasp, showering her with the contents of the tissue-paper thin cup. I understood the resulting delay, and felt a little sorry for her, but on her third trip around the counter showing all her Concession Stand Compadres the spill and squealing 'OMIGOD! D'YOU SEE THAT?!?! OMIGOD IT'S SO COLD! OMIGOD IT BLEW UP ON ME! OMIGOD!' I began to get a little annoyed. Now I know why they load up every Teen Comedy I've ever seen with Loud Wet Farting Noises - it doesn't take much to amuse kids today. So, I finally get my popcorn and drink, and it's one minute past Movie Time. Already I can feel my pulse slam from my temple down the side of my neck, and I figured a sure cure for that blood pressure ailment would be a generous helping of the heavily-salted and entirely free Popcorn Flavorings on the counter. There was White Cheddar, Orange Cheddar, Parmesan and Garlic, Ranch, Sour Cream and Onion (and a couple others I can't remember) to choose from. I picked Sour Cream and Onion and dumped half the contents of the container into my bag, shaking it vigorously with my free hand as I followed into the dark theater, where I almost tripped and broke out all my front teeth on the first step. So far, so good! Thumbs up!