AL BUNDY is my hero. He's a working-class loser who's defeated by life but refuses to lay down and die. He is stupid but wily. Deeply dissatisfied with family, fatherhood and his work as a shoe salesman, he's still proud of his name and the pitiful patch of earth he calls home. His favorite room is the toilet and his pet peeve is the French.

"Married With Children" returns with a special tonight. Al Bundy, how can we miss you if you won't go away?

Heroism, courage, leadership, nope, won't find none of that here. But there is the opportunity to say, really, which is more honest? The hero or the schlub? Now, more than ever do we need Al Bundy? (and Kelly, whoo, hoo!)