But just considering these five, here is my assessment:

Everyone already knew Whitney is loopy and prone to substance abuse. The fact that she kept it together through an interview and the success of her new album makes the last year better for her than any in a while - she succeeded by being functional and coherent when she had to be. And crack IS whack, it just sounded funny.

Jacko is the loser of the year. The freak achieved nothing as an artist, descended further into his disguise as a genderless albino alien, and capped it off with the baby dangle, for which he should be locked up and beaten with an infant's carseat. I'm trying to remember the last thing a celebrity did in public that was more stupid and less explicable. Nope - can't come up with anything. The 20-year anniversary of his masterpiece Thriller adds insult to injury.

Rosie definitely took a loss: from likeable closeted TV star and magazine publisher, to self-proclaimed ''bitch who ain't so nice and ... a big-mouthed fat lesbian.'' She said it, I didn't. The overt turn toward butch-ery didn't help either: I don't believe there are any rules saying lesbians have to make themselves as unappealing and unfeminine as possible. I believe Rosie may have lost her connection to the mainstream. Now if she would just shut up and go away...

Britney had a tough year, but nothing drastic: breaking up is hard to do but hardly unprecedented, if anything she is the more real for having gone through it and publicly admitted the pain. A million girls said, "If it can happen to Britney it can happen to anyone - I don't feel quite so bad." Her sales were down, but not bad. She will have to transform herself to keep going at superstar level, or what? She gets demoted to star. Big deal. She'll be fine.

Winona had a real bad year - turns out she is a compulsive thief with a notable prescription narcotics habit to boot. If she uses this public bitch slap to get her life in order, she will be the better for it personally and shouldn't suffer much professionally. If she continues to deny the problems, she is screwed. It's up to her.