Even though he's not on the official Minion Calendar™ as an Evil Overlord, I always heed a call from Mr. Olsen. His latest missive said:

I would like to SEE ALL BLOGCRITICS make some kind of favorites list THIS WEEK. They are easy, fun, and will establish where your taste is coming from. THESE LISTS CAN BE ABOUT ANYTHING: favorite CDs of the year, favorite CDs all-time, favorite CDs by genre, by artist, by label, by shoe size, whatever. Your list can be MUSIC, BOOKS, DVD/VIDEO, TV, whatever...

Ah, but the fatal mistake was in giving me the "whatver" out clause. For while I am too busy to write much for Blogcritics with my NaNoWriMo silliness, I do have tons of lists.

The first one stems from an argument everyone with any circle of friends has had since Edison's "Mary Had A Little Lamb" was panned by critics as "too talky." Yes, it's the old Worst Songs Ever debate.

So, here--in no particular order--are the songs unanimously picked by the great minds at SolCritics™ as the worst of the worst, along with handy-dandy Amazon links for my favorite masochists (you know who you are--he said, as he gleefully looked up the links). Before you whine about the lack of rap and country songs, please go to my site for the rules.

April Wine - "Just Between You And Me"
Personal fave of Not-So-Red Menace

Barry Manilow - "I Write the Songs"
Truly, we had a hard time limiting ourselves to just one...

Captain & Tenille - "Muskrat Love"
Muskrat mating music... mmmm...

Carl Douglas - "Kung Fu Fighting"
And yet...HAA!...I still can't stop HUUH!... whenever I ... HYAAA!... hear it.

Lionel Ritchie - "Three Times A Lady"
unce..tice.. fwee times a mady...

Melanie - "Rollerskates"
According to Sgt. Grump, they used this at basic training as part of the preparation to resist torture...

Michael Murphy - "Wildfire"
He ran calling, "Wildfire, you stupid piece of horseflesh, get yer ass back here!"

Minnie Riperton - "Lovin' You"
Bad song. Great commercial.

Ohio Express - "Yummy, Yummy, Yummy"
I got love in my tummy?? Ewwww!

Paul Anka - "Havin' My Baby"
Hey, everyone's gotta have one stinkeroo...even Paulie...oh, wait, I said 'one' didn't I? Never mind.

Rupert Holmes - "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)"
Yes, my wife and I would just laugh and laugh if we found out the other one was taking out personal ads to meet someone else. Oh, the hilarity...

Sammy Johns - "Chevy Van"
Ah, those were the days... when a young, nubile female could hitchhike safely in this country...

Starland Vocal Band - "Afternoon Delight"
Quick! Name another Starland Vocal Band song! Ha! Thank God you couldn't. (Heaven help us, if you could.)

Terry Jacks - "Seasons in the Sun"
This is, without question, my least favorite piece of crap in the entire universe. Just thinking of its insipid whiny tone right now makes me want to build a time machine, just so I could go back and punch Terry Jacks' father in the nose!

Now that I'm finished here are two scary facts:

1. I found every one of these songs available for sale.
2. Almost every one of the albums was rated four stars by customers.

*shudder*