See You On The Funny Pages
Clubbeaux - Exxon's Payphone - Well, it appears the serial sniper did use the pay phone at the West Broad Street Exxon station in Richmond to make a call, but was long gone by the time police arrived to take down two illegal Mexicans in their white van using the same phone. You have to understand Richmond to fully appreciate this, so I've enlisted local folksinger Arlo Lee Guthrie to explain...

IMAO - Usually It's the One with the Gun Who Gets to Ask the Questions - American Polltaker: I wish to ask you some questions about guns.

Frenchman: Ahh! Guns! Do not hurt me, American! Paris is yours!

Solonor's Ink Well - Earl Vickers: Supra-Genius - I was sitting at my desk today, mindlessly whacking Ichiro Suzuki upside the head, when I thought I'd see what other millionaire baseball players I could get to take out my frustrations upon.

Sour Mash With A Twist - Shirley Temple, Roy Rogers, And The Road To Oblivion - Everyone was drunk at our wedding. Even the kids. Maybe even especially the kids.

Amish Tech Support - War of the Worlds - The aliens invade, they head towards New York. Howard starts by getting them in the studio to show off their breasts. Martians, lacking mammalian characteristics and being egg-laying creatures, are confused by request. Howard further mocks them when they say they lack external genitalia. Only after vaporizing Robin they are all soundly repulsed by the antics of Fartman.

Working for the Man
Kalyr.com - Corporate Crud - Back in the Elder Days when Men were Men and beer was one-and-six a pint, "Human Resources" was called "Personnel", implying that employees were actually people, rather than numbers in a spreadsheet.