The "Screw Your Roommate" dance was always the social event of the year, yet every year drew rabid complaints (for various reasons) from militant feminists, militant gays, and militant people who couldn't get dates, always with the implicit addendum that "if I'm not having a good time, you don't get to either!"

The first "Less You Wear, Less You Pay" dance took place my junior year and (you guessed it) drew myriad complaints from the usual suspects, including fat people who felt discriminated against. The most successful fundraiser of my four years, a bachelor auction my senior year that raised a large sum of money for breast cancer research, was also marred by the crying-all-the-time brigade. And perhaps worst of all, just last year a politically incorrect skit on a campus radio show called "The Men's Room" made fun of Asians and people were still upset about it six months later- even though those were the same six months that immediately followed 9/11. (When I first heard that the biggest uproar of the Brandeis year was over something called "The Men's Room Incident," I just assumed that someone had been raped and/or beaten in a men's room, not that a few guys had made some ill-advised ethnic jokes on WBRS.)

So, as we learn from the letter, there was a "masturbation workshop" earlier this year? GOOD! If these legions of uptight people can somehow relax by finally releasing some of their long-simmering sexual tension, that can only be a good thing for all parties involved. Though of course, I'm sure people were "offended" by the existence of that too. The authors of the letter conclude by stating that "there's really nothing that can justify a 'Less You Wear, Less You Pay' dance." Yes there is actually- people enjoy it! That's all the justification they need for it to exist- and if you don't feel like going, you can just stay home and do your own dance of self-loathing. I'm sure you won't be the only one.

Don't get me wrong; I loved my college experience, the education I got, and the friends I made, and I wouldn't trade them for anything. But since then I've noticed that just about everyone I've met had a more consistently fun time in college than I did. This is especially evident living in Hoboken, when I'm around people all the time who are used to rock 'n' rolling all night and partying every day, and clearly have been since their freshman years at Rutgers, Ithaca, or wherever. The joke, after all, is that Hoboken is like a college where the fraternities are Merrill Lynch, Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley, etc. When they had their keg parties in college, I think it's safe to say no one complained about the beer or scantilly clad women. Certainly no one does now. And to this day, as big a sports fan as I am, I can't ever watch college football on television because all I notice is that students at colleges across the country are enjoying a saturday of getting up early to drink, tailgating, spending three hours at the game, and then partying all night, none of which I ever experienced because my alma mater's leadership woke up one day in 1957 and decided it was "socially unjust" to continue to field a football team.