Ten years later, in 1980, John was willing to take on the beast again. This was all the more noble because John knew best the limitless demands his reemergence would precipitate.

But he said, "That's ok, I have some things to say that I only had an abstract understanding of before, like fatherhood and true love, and the foolishness of politics. I finally understand myself so I want to talk to people again." A happy, centered and positive John Lennon was awesome to behold, and Double Fantasy was the beginning of that process.

Then he was dead, and it wasn't even his fault. Who can really feel sorry for Elvis, or the dozens of other rock stars from Johnny Ace to Kurt Cobain who effectuated their own deaths? But John was blameless: a happy and healthy family man cut down by a deranged fan on the way home from work.

John was the essence of the Beatles not only because of his musical contributions, but because the others, especially Paul, played off of him. John was the foundaton upon which the others could build their various Beatle personalities.

Paul, George and even Ringo have done some very nice solo work over the years, but they ceased to be Beatles when the Beatles died. John never did. John wasn't a Beatle, he was the Beatle, and all of his protestations to the contrary rang false. The more he tried to deny his Beatlehood - his Beatlehead - the more it bore into him and made him miserable.

The alcoholic's denial that he isn't one only delays the inevitable encounter with reality. Denial makes it ever harder to survive that encounter. But John did survive it and finally realized he did believe in Beatles, as well as John, because they were one and the same.

John did make some music that equaled his Beatle music, just listen to Lennon Legend: even the early, angry stuff takes on a whole new resonance in light of Double Fantasy. "Instant Karma" is balanced by "Watching the Wheels"; the sloganeering of "Give Peace A Chance" is balanced by the concrete, personal action of "(Just Like) Starting Over." The dry existentialism of "Imagine" (though still beautiful) is countered by the surpasssing spirituality of "Beautiful Boy."

The vision is no longer, "Imagine all the people, Living for today," it's

"I can hardly wait
To see you come of age
But I guess we'll both
Just have to be patient

Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you
While you're busy
Making other plans

John was able to compact the world down from a circumference of 27,000 miles to the circumference of his son's hand, losing nothing in the process. Then we lost him.