So how to give this day its due - to live up to the massive hole left in our hearts, minds, urban landscape, lives? Dawn and I are going to do something quintessentially American: go to the Indians baseball game and drink in the atmosphere, the voluntarily controlled freedom expressed by thousands of strangers coming together to cheer or boo the athletic exploits of extraordinarily talented young men - young men who in another century would have been soldiers trying to kill each other rather than merely beat each other at a child's game.

Dawn gives me some great perspective on the day in another way also:

Dear Lily,

A year ago today I was driving you to school, just like I do everyday. We were listening to the radio when reports about planes crashing into the World Trade Center were given. You cheerfully smiled at me oblivious to my fear and disbelief at what I was absorbing. I continued to listen and hushed you and your toddler banter, as we made our way to your school. I really wasn't sure what was happening, so I made the poor judgment of continuing my routine and dropped you off at school.

The teachers were gathered around the TV set watching the news. I peered in briefly, but didn't have to time to get any further information.

During my journey to work, the following had unfolded: three planes full of innocent people had crashed, three buildings were close to being demolished and another plane was being driven into a field in rural Pennsylvania. The devastation was incomprehensible. I wept the last couple of miles before reaching my office. I brushed passed hushed whispers and gasps as I made my way to my desk. I immediately called your daddy. He hadn't heard and wasn't sure what I was talking about. I asked him to get you from school, but he said I was over-reacting. I wasn't over-reacting. He later confirmed my fear and picked you from school. Many mommies and daddies did the same.

Lily all I wanted to do from that day forward and for the many months afterwards was hold you in my arms and never let you go. I went through a few months of depression and anguish. I even questioned why you were in this world, when it seemed apparent to me that we were all doomed. I was distant, angry, paranoid and deeply afraid. I apologize for that time wasted on myself and not on you.......