Neal Pollack, The Greatest Living American Writer, took swipes at The Rolling Stones in a recent NYTimes article, but make no mistake, his beefs don't end there. He doesn't like John Updike, either. And don't even get him started about New York City.

All this came out at Saturday's Punk-Lit Jam at Club Deville, here in beautiful downtown Austin, Texas. The event, put on by So New Media and coordinated by Ben Brown (seen here soaked in beer by Neal for unknown reasons — I think Neal just wanted to be rude), featured readings from some of So New Media's great publications, a... um... harrowing performance by local band Alfalfa Male (what a waste of a band name!), and was topped off by Neal himself, ranting, screaming, and all around pretending to be a rock star, which is often as good as the real thing. Videos of the event are available at bookpunk.com. Don't miss "Memories of Times Square." Also life-changing was the melodic and catchy tune entitled "New York City," the lyrics of which can be read here, off Neal's very own lyric sheet. Why he had to record this on paper at all is a real stumper, but to type it — this is truly a twisted mind.

I left the show with a very special souvenir: The shirt off Neal's back. Let this be a lesson to you all — it pays to get drunk enough to yell "Take it off!" to pudgy authors who are in the middle of singing songs about dildoes.