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“April In The D” Is Full Of Misery, Homicidal Thoughts

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In journalism school, young minds are told not to repeat words. Repeating words is bad. If you repeat words, people think all you do is repeat words, which is not what people should think about you, so don’t repeat words.

Why the gentlemen and dames at Fox Sports Detroit have overlooked this rule regarding commercials is beyond me.

One such spot that’s been getting beaten harder than a Brandon Lyon curveball has been the promotion of their new ballad on the Tigers, Pistons, and Red Wings, lovingly titled “April in the D,” sung by the Good Luck Joes, a collection of lads whose company I might actually enjoy had it not been for the oversaturation of this song. Now I want to bludgeon them all in the face, perhaps with something classified as a biohazard.

See, this is the month in which the Tigers, filled with a new found spirit of optimism, try to again begin their journey to reclaim American League pennant. It’s when the Pistons and Red Wings set their sights on the playoffs. It’s when the Lions don’t play at all. It’s a perfect month for a Detroit fan. And yet James Schmehl of MLive summed it up perfectly: “I can’t wait for May 1.”

And while I desperately want not to hate this music video, it leaves me no choice. It starts out with perhaps the purest moment in Detroit sports, the walkoff grand slam by Magglio Ordoñez in Game 4 of the 2006 ALCS that sent the Tigers to the World Series. Mere footage of that blast wipes away any possible hate from my brain. In theory, there is no problem here. Unfortunately, I’m not always looking at the TV, which is the case with your typical brainless viewer.

To add to the problem, it’s a catchy song which I’ve found myself humming at once-peaceful moments. I’m sure half the Catholics who were slighted by Opening Day were singing it to themselves every five minutes during mass. If ever there was a time for divine intervention, today would be it.

Hopefully FSD has an exit strategy from this blatant waterboarding of their fans. The only recourse of action, sadly, is to pass immediate legislation banning the re-transmission, re-distribution or re-tweeting of “April in the D,” under penalty of being really, really, really, really, really annoyed.

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