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Appropriately viscious Kelly Osbourne review

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It was too easy to fill this review with “Shut Up” puns and ‘drainpipe gurgling’ allusions, so I’ll have to mention the music as well. If Kelly Osbourne has one flaw, it’s that she’s ambitious. However, her music has many flaws, many of which are discussed here.

People will no doubt expect this to be something in a Black Sabbath vein or have a punked up Madonna vibe. Instead it just borders on the edge of stale static noise with a chalky aftertaste .”Papa Don’t Preach” is the most blatant use of nepotism since LaToya Jackson’s epic “He’s My Brother”. At least there was an obvious blood tie in the latter creation.

Okay, the album does have its positives. One is that the album length goes for about 4 minutes (if you skip over the bad tracks). The other positive is the song “More Than Life Itself”. Maybe it’s just in comparison but this song is surprisingly heartfelt. It reveals a certain kind of realistic human emotion that’s usually lost in
production. Kelly has been able to create a sensitive song that really stands out.

However… personally, I’ve heard bumps in the night with more melody than “Shut Up”

The music may be interpreted as fun after a while, but then again, so can fluorescent lights. Everything from her music to her hair color is diluted with indulgence and clich√©. The sentiments in the lyrics however are quite prescient. For example, ” Shut up! Don’t want to hear your voice. Shut up! ” Otherwise, the lyrics are predictably trite. Kelly’s ‘British-spoilt-heiress-mansion-resident’ title is already too long to include the singer.

Kelly needs to put more of an effort into her music, although “Shut Up” does have a massive range of appeal – stretching all the way from Sharon to Jack.

Maybe she’ll simultaneously melt away that puppy fat. If she’s motivated enough, she could even look like her father by the age of nineteen.

Fiona Apple’s music somehow sounds even better at night and Kelly Osbourne’s music sounds even better when you’re listening to Fiona Apple. As an album, it’s abysmal, but as background noise it’s perfect!

If somehow I have created a negative impression with this album, it’s only because I hated it.

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