I feel I can’t handle my emotions. I am known to be rather reserved, laid back, and calm. But when I get mad, it’s like a switch in my head has been flicked on and I just explode. It’s like I can’t stop the anger that follows. I can’t think. It’s like a blackness that consumes me and doesn’t stop until the anger is out.
I have tried meditation and the like to no avail. Is there a way of harnessing this emotion… and using it constructively before it corrodes me?
Yes, you have a profound challenge and I’m glad you wrote because I think I help.
Here’s the astrology: you have Mars (raw male energy) conjunct your ascendant and square both your Sun and Moon, and more. Basically, this means that you are a cocked and loaded gun.
I don’t doubt you have your calm periods, but think about it. There is a cocked and loaded gun lying on the couch. ::laughs:: Does that sound safe? Not really. Just because it’s not going off at the moment doesn’t mean it won’t a minute from now, right?
So here’s the deal: you are not going to be able to simply “meditate” your way out of this — although with your Pisces Sun in the 9th house (spiritual), that was a good shot. The problem is, this approach is way too passive.
See, to work with your fury, you will have to incorporate MARS in this one way or the other. And Mars is violent! Sexual! Competitive! Basically you need to FIRE the gun! You need to pick a safe target and empty the chamber… pretty much every day. But how?
Well you’re going to have to get off the pillow or the couch, or whatever else you are sitting on and get your ass moving. Since you are inclined towards eastern things, martial arts come to mind. Mars likes to fight! And believe me; you have the energy, the stamina, and the focus it takes to master something like this.
So that’s my advice, and if you take it — if you take up boxing or whatever — I guarantee you will an ass-kicking force of nature with no need whatsoever to harm passers-by.
And one more thing: Don’t forget sex! Have as much as you can because you need the release. If you learn to let the emotion out like this, you’ll be amazed with how much easier you can get along.