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And Tat’s All There Is To It

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I heard an interesting piece on the news today about how tattoo removal is projected to become a multi-billion-dollar-a-year business in the US alone.

I don’t see how that’s possible. I mean, all you have to do is wait for a while and the tattoo just wears off, right? In fact, usually when I get a tattoo, I forget to hold the cold washcloth on it long enough, and then when I peel the paper back my “Superman” tattoo ends up looking like a cross between a dead fish and a llama with dysentery.

I guess maybe they’re talking about more washcloths being needed to scrub the ugly llamas off?

What? You mean they’re talking about the other kind of tattoos? And it turns out that it’s even more expensive to get one off than to put it on?

Does this all seem kind of weird to anyone besides me? First of all, I have had sharp pointy things poked into me by people who were not my friends. They did it mostly for free. So I have no wish to pay a stranger to stick sharp pointy things into me and leave behind permanent proof that he did it.

That's just me, of course. Nonetheless, it does kill me the number of people who are getting “tats” all over at the age of 16 or 18, or even 20 or 22. At some point it stops being about a cool tat and starts being a social statement.

And what’s the statement? Probably something like “I want to be poor.”

See, a rock star can get away with tattoos. He’s rich, and in a field that promotes that kind of activity.

But the majority of us are going to end up wanting to be teachers or architects or doctors or things like that.

And believe me, nothing says “Hire me” to HR at a major law firm less than a teardrop tat and “Born to Burn” emblazoned across the back of your head.

Having said all that, then, I guess it isn’t such a surprise that tattoo removal is getting ready for big numbers. At some point most people realize they have to grow up (although my wife is still waiting on me). That means paying the bills. And that usually goes hand in glove with looking like someone who pays the bills.

Which, in turn, implies that tattoos may not be the “wicked cool” thing they’re generally perceived as by the people getting them. Rather, they are more likely “wicked cool today, wicked dumb tomorrow.”

And don’t even get me started on the people who look like they’re trying to turn their earlobes into basketball hoops.

I’d say more (like about the tattoos all the girls are getting on their backs – you know, the ones right above their tushes – which I suspect are going to look rather odd as they age and the pictures stretch out to resemble silly putty faces), but I gotta go. I hear the University of Phoenix has an online course in tattoo removal, and I want a piece of that pie.

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About Michaelbrent Collings

  • A great article!

    Hey, no one else was saying anything, so I thought I’d go ahead. Ha!