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An Open Letter To Rockstar Games

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Dear Rockstar games, I recently had a troubling experience with a product of yours and wanted to bring it to your attention. For years now, my family and I play ‘Vice City’ on Tuesday nights. It’s family thing, we order pizza and snuggle up to the big screen for some family bonding. Before this last weekend, we always had fun with your product. Me and my son Jeremy compete to see who can steal the most money from the hookers we beat, whereas my daughter Tamara is a straight up cop killer.
So imagine my horror when we were playing last weekend with my mother in law. She picked up a hooker at the bank she was robbing and was offered ‘hot coffee’. If you know Elanor, you know she loves an after dinner coffee.

big mistake

turns out hot coffee was a code for sex. Yes, right there on the tv… a pixiliated nipple on a 2 inch character. My kids just started crying ‘Why, Why? Then, Jeremy looked me straight in the eye and said ‘This is totally gratuitous, how does this serve the storyline?’. It breaks my heart to see a nice company such as your sully the reputation of mafia hit men and whores with nudity! This game was once a learning and development tool for the kids. Jeremy learned his first ‘F’ bomb from the game, and now he is just ashamed. I fear after this whole ‘coffee-gate’ scandal is over… my daughter might never have the courage to shoot an officer of the law again. Jeremy has stopped swearing all together, and now spends his afternoons riding his bicycle. You people are monsters! How are these kids going to survive public school in Detroit now?

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About Lono

  • http://selfaudit.blogspot.com Aaman

    Heh.

    This shd probably have the sub-cat Satire, methinks

    Would you like some bagels with that hot coffee?

  • http://www.breakingwindows.com Matt Paprocki

    Yeah, definitely should have been satire. Good stuff Lono.

  • http://www.iamcorrect.com Lono

    done and changed – thanks for the feedback

  • Nick Jones

    Heh heh, funny.

  • mgstrein

    you can’t apply hot coffee to a console version of the game. Aside from that most righteous words. Very funny.