Dear President Obama,
I would like to apologize for criticizing you for all the extra-curricular activities you've been enjoying since the Deepwater Horizon oil rig exploded. In fact, if I were you, I wouldn't do anything different.
After all, I enjoy playing golf too. But recently, due to expensive greens fees, cart fees, and a general lack of time, I can't afford to. I would absolutely love to play an average of one round a week, just like you! But in this poor economy, I simply can't justify it. That shouldn't stop you, though. You just keep chipping away at that handicap, Mr. President. They might even let you play on the PGA tour someday!
And you know, I think it's nice of you to have all those professional sports teams over at your house, the White House. I mean, if I had a house that big and I had the power to bring major sports teams over, I would too! Although, I bet it wasn't all that fun to have those Yankees over, considering that you're a White Sox fan. Thanks for taking one for the team, sir! And please pardon that pun I just wrote.
Being a fan of rock and roll, I really, truly understand why you would spend time with Bono and Paul McCartney. I mean, who wouldn't want to do that? Sure, Bono can really talk your ear off with all this world peace mumbo-jumbo, but he does put on a great concert! And Paul McCartney, he was one of the Beatles! There's only two of them left, so it's good that you got to hang out with one of them. By the way, I would've chosen him over Ringo Starr too.
I can't say I blame you for skipping out on that memorial service for the 11 workers that were killed in the oil rig explosion. Memorial services are a real drag. I'm sure you had much more fun out in California with Barbara Boxer and the Getty Oil family. Good times!
Don't let any one criticize you any more for doing all the things you love, Mr. President. You're working hard, giving out free healthcare to everybody, trying to save Mexicans from those racist "legal" citizens who want them deported, trying to destroy that evil oil industry for raping Mother Earth, keeping those mean rich folks from making too much money, appointing Supreme Court justices that will take away handguns from everyone in the world forever, sticking it to those crazy cowboy Israelis in the Middle East, and making sure you give money to healthy people so they won't have to work.
You just take all the power you need, Mr. President. When someone gets in your way, you just say "Ha! I'm the President and I'll change the rules or issue an executive order that says I'm right and you're wrong!" That ought to teach them to mess with you. Besides, a President shouldn't be limited by Congress or that silly Constitution thing. That "Constitution" is just an old piece of paper anyway! I mean, it's not like people still live their lives by any other ancient text like that.
Therefore, I cheerfully salute you, Mr. President. Keep up the good work!