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Amid War, US Combatants Find Plenty of Time to Post on Internet

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Sometimes, it’s the most obvious things that are late to hit you.

For some time now, on my travels through cyberspace, I have been struck by the strong support voiced for the crusade by an overwhelming majority of American Internet posters.

At the same time, I also noticed story after story, datelined Washington, with dire warnings about troops being stretched, more troops needed, recruiters scaping the barrel, National Guard, Inactive units, even men in their fifties getting their orders – something just wasn’t adding up.

Either all these crusade-loving fans of population reduction and resource expropriation were really only a handful of preteens in Romania having a laugh at the public’s expense, or some other stories that had accused the Pentagon of being too rough on the troops were exaggerated, to say the least, as the Pentagon is apparently giving its gunmen the kind of time for internet surfing that is usually only to be had by those whose jobs allow (or require, depending on POV) them to spend the day and most of the night surgically attached to a multi-tabbed browser.

A little cyber R&R, as it were. Plenty of darkside sites out there chock-full new ideas for that next hot “interrogation” session with a dog leash and some mother’s son or daughter.

That has to be the explanation. Surely no one in their right mind would be so crude as to suggest that able bodied men are sitting in comfortable homes and pounding their keyboards in praise of the crusade while their brothers in bellicosity are sweltering in 140 degree heat and dodging improvised explosive devices.

No way, no how, no sir!

These pro-war posters, whether of the “kick their ass and steal their gas” classic style, or the more metrosexual, “progressive,” “get the job done, stay the course” variety, are typing these messages on battlefield laptops and satellite connections magnanimously provided them by a Pentagon That Cares.

A man (or a woman) can get pretty tuckered out after a hard day of bombing residential neighborhoods in Fallujah and kicking in doors in Baghdad, and there’s nothing like being able to take a load off and relax a little bit with ones comrades at arms over on the yahoo boards.

My investigation has concluded that the policy at Centcom is “All the Internet You Can Eat” for the in-country folks there in harm’s way, risking their lives to defend Halliburton’s freedom to release a spectacular third quarter statement.

Now nobody should try to trick these people into giving out unit IDs, locations, etc. They’re way too smart for that. In all this time I haven’t seen a single one with a case of Loose Lips.

And I haven’t asked. What I have asked, though, and have yet to receive, is just a little inside scoop on the big Welcome Bash we all know must be in the works for Barbra and Jenna.

After all, it’s not every day that your average GI gets to serve with the granddaughters of a former CIA director.

We don’t know when the twins will be deployed to the Green Zone. But we know it won’t be long. They’re out of school now, and I will never believe that such fine upstanding young women would be out on the campaign trail if they were not 100% behind their dad’s catastrophically successful bid to destroy the cradle of civilization.

How many times have we heard their father repeat after the voice in his earpiece that there is no worse kind of hypocrisy or cowardice than sending other people off to die while you stay safe?

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About DuctapeFatwa

  • SFC Ski

    YOu may be sarcastic, but you sure aren’t funny.

    “are typing these messages on battlefield laptops and satellite connections magnanimously provided them by a Pentagon That Cares”

    Sorry, it doesn’t work that way, except for the few lucky folks with Internet accesss in their workplaces. Most Soldiers will work some long, odd hours, and still go out of their way to get on the Internet before bed, or duty, or back out on patrol.
    If the Internet station is run from a Morale Facility, it is free, and you sign up and wait anywhere from a 1/2 hour to 3 hours to get on the computer for an entire 1/2 hour, if the generators don’t go down for maintenance, if the satellite dish doesn’t get blown down by the high winds, if the server doesn’t crash from 120 degree heat.
    If the Internet site is a pay site, you pay $2 or $3 for the privilege of going through the above, but you generally get an hour or more.
    Soldiers generally make the choice between sleep or Internet, but it is the only way to contact home most of the time, or interact with anyone other than the people you work with, in short it is one way to decompress. I can’t imagaine a Soldier from the Viet Nam era having to wait weeks to get snail mail.