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American Idol: How To Know When You’re Actually Famous

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Carrie Underwood’s star certainly is rising fast—she’s already been the subject of a patently ridiculous tabloid story!

(The title of this humdinger was something like “Carrie Had Affair With Bo AND Federov!” Not that I read it or anything.)

Okay, the Anthony part, I agree with and even hope is true. Admit it, the blonde ones are awfully cute together. And, it’s always a fact that “what the world needs now, is love, sweet love . . .”

Double awwwwww.

But, Bo? No.

Then again, the mag did have a pic of Bo kissing Carrie:

ON THE CHEEK. ON NATIONAL TELEVISION. ON THE NIGHT OF THE AMERICAN IDOL FINALE.

I do believe Justin Guarini kissed Kelly Clarkson under similar circumstances without raising a fuss.

Hmmm.

(Although, true enough, some months later Justin and Kelly were caught shopping together in L.A. and it was immediately reported as a solemn fact that they were engaged to be married. You know, after they got back from their involuntary vacation on the mother ship.)

Bo giving Carrie a congratulatory kiss—I mean, this isn’t exactly like the long lens catching Cameron Diaz canoodling in the bushes with a Man Other Than Main Squeeze Justin Timberlake.

(Please don’t sue me, Cam .)

And, anyway, don’t the tabloids have enough to do, what with keeping up with the Tom Cruise / Brooke Shields catfight and all?

(Tom, Tom, Tom. Didn’t your mama ever tell you not to pick a fight with a girl over post-partum depression? Tom, dear, next time you have a baby, let me know so I can send you a card.)

In other How To Know When You’re Actually Famous news, Carrie’s already plenty busy with her first post-AI performances, all at the Country Music Association’s Music Festival Week (a/k/a “Country Music’s Biggest Party”) in Nashville.

In addition to Dierks Bentley, Dolly Parton, Sugarland, Trick Pony, Keith Urban, Lee Ann Womack, Travis Tritt, Trace Adkins, Trisha Yearwood, Big & Rich, Gretchen Wilson, and other magnificent stars too numerous to mention, Carrie will share a stage with fellow Idol alumni, Josh Gracin (AI2 and Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Okay, Lynyrd Skynyrd aren’t exactly American Idol alumni, but still. They earned an American Idol honorary degree—or at least honorable mention—this season for rocking the Helena, Alabama ampphitheater with Bo in Week 9.

And that’s just for starters. Those CMA folks really know how to get a bang for their bucks. In addition to performing at the festival/Biggest Party, Carrie will be singing it up for Country Music Television, taping a set for CMT’s “100 Greatest Duets.” (A venue for Kimberly Locke (AI2), too.)

But wait, there’s more! Of course they won’t let Carrie out of Nashville until she makes her proper Grand Ole Opry debut, which will happen on Friday, June 10th. (Mark your calendars!)

But wait, there’s still more! Operators are standing by!

How To Know You’re Actually Famous? Umm, you hear yourself singing a song on the radio?

Correct! [[applause]]

Well, sometimes. I mean, I guess it all depends on what the meaning of is famous is.

Anyway, this weekend I did hear Carrie singing a song on the radio. It was “Inside Your Heaven,” the live version delivered instantly to radio stations by Promo Only MPE.

So, how was it, you ask. It was fine. It sounded like a song you hear on the radio, and I guess that’s half the battle.

The “live” part was a little weak. In fact, at first I wasn’t sure those background noises were actually coming from an audience. As in, an audience comprised of human beings listening to a concert. Instead of cheering and squeals of delight, it sounded like a bad canned laugh track off something like The Mary Tyler Moore Show.

I stand by my prediction that “Inside Your Heaven” will be a mega-hit for Ms. Underwood. However, if you want to hear “live,” and be blown away by “live,” and remember how enchanting a “live” recording can be, don’t read any further.

Immediately go here to listen to Kelly Clarkson singing her live version of “Beautiful Disaster.”

Then come back here after you pick yourself up on the floor. And, please, don’t clunk your coconut on your cubicle as you fall out of your chair. The Office Manager no like.

All in all, that’s A LOT of evidence that Carrie is Actually Famous. So leave your sked open: you’ll want to be available to follow the E! News live reports when they unveil Carrie’s star on Hollywood Boulevard next week. You know, the star right next to Ryan Seacrest’s.

And let’s just hope Ryan doesn’t give Carrie a kiss on the cheek at the unveiling ceremony. Oh, my.

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