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Amanda Bynes Signed to Rap!

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Love will do funny things to a sweet young starlet. Just last week, we had to marvel at the innocent and virtuous Amanda Bynes, as she buried herself beneath her platinum wig and was carted off by police for allegedly tossing a bong – a marijuana bong that is – out of her 36th floor apartment window. Some think it is unlikely that, in this day and age,Cute-Face-Amanda-Bynes-2013 a pretty-girl celebrity from television and films would he harassed for pot smoking. Later revelations attest most of the illicit pot smoking was done in the lobby of the posh New York City apartment building, by Bynes and friends.

They took her, we recall, kicking and screaming – all behind a flowing blond wig – and she took the opportunity to yell that one arresting officer touched her in an unwelcome manner, a charge that was later withdrawn. “He slapped my vagina. Sexual harassment! Big deal!! I then called the cops on him. He handcuffed me, which I resisted, quite unlike any of the reports stated.” Ms. Bynes was released on her recognizance but told she must make her court date, or be subject to arrest. She enlightened those in the courtroom with the statement that the alleged bong was really a vase!052413-amanda-bynes-court-cbs-primary-1

Only Amanda Bynes could suffer a drug bust and still be sweet and tender. Yet today we find the starlet moving forward into the rough and street-smart world of rap music. Will Gangsta Amanda be the new queen of hip-hop?

Child star Amanda Bynes was the immensely popular star of the hit sitcom What I Like About You. She graced the big screen in the films What a Girl Wants and the still-popular musical, Hairspray.

Enter rapper Amanda! Will she still be the one we only want to defend? Amanda, who recently passed on a shot with Playboy Radio (thankfully), has signed with The Orchard and Sony Entertainment to become the nation’s next rap star. More specifically she is expected (it’s a sure thing!) to sign with New York’s Chinga Chang Records. She’s 27 now, and Chinga Chang sees a rap star in the making. The offer is a deal for her first album. sp_amanda_bynes_nt_130502_wblog

Producer and label CEO Daniel Herman got the go-ahead from Sony. He told reporters: “Right now you have a Nickelodeon pop star masquerading as a gangster rapper. So I see someone like Amanda Bynes, and I know she has talent. I’ve heard her sing when she was younger. I wanna get her in the cutting room in NYC and see what she has. Why the hell not? She is not crazy, she is not on drugs. She’s just hip-hop!”


Rapper Drizzy Drake

We ask ourselves: Why the sudden and unexpected transition? Maybe the answer lies in her tweets! Amanda it seems has taken notice of rapper Drizzy Drake!  For openers, she tweeted she wanted Drake to “MURDER her lady bits.” But…she called him ugly!! Finally she arrived at the simple fact: she wants Drake to “slay her nether regions BECAUSE he’s so ugly.” Here’s a bit of the tweet: “Why would someone want to get down and diirrrty with someone who thinks their smile, gums, teeth, AND eyes are unsightly??!”  Fans love Bynes for “Ugly!” She later tweeted, “His ugly cheeks at the EA conference! Fine he is not, but he knows he’s ugly I’ve spoken to him!”

Drake recently plopped down $2.8 million for a house in Hidden Hills, in California’s San Fernando Valley. In an earlier life, Drake regularly appeared as wheelchair-bound Jimmy Brooks in Degrassi: The Next Generation. His hit songs include “Best I Ever Had” and “Take Care.” Drake’s album Nothing Was the Same will be released sometime this summer. He travels in good company, with friends including Kanye West, Jim Carrey, Tina Fey and Harrison Ford.

Photos: ABC News, New York Daily News, JackMob

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About John Lake

John Lake had a long and successful career in legitimate and musical theater. He moved up into work behind the camera at top motion pictures. He has done a smattering of radio, and television John joined the Blogcritics field of writers owing to a passion for the liberal press, himself speaking out about the political front, and liberal issues. Now the retired Mr. Lake has entered the field of motion picture, television, and video game (now a daily gamer!) critique. His writing is always innovative and immensely readable!