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Advice to my womenfolk about mashers

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If you propose anything much short of the death penalty for any man who has been accused (rightly or wrongly) of anything that any single person might arbitrarily decide to describe as “sexual harassment” or “sexual assault,” then you should expect to be accused of insensitivity.

The preferred way of pushing this point comes as some form of ‘what if it was your wife or daughter?’ I got this basic argument in response to my defense of Arnold Schwarzenegger against slimy last minute sexual accusations.

Alrighty then. Having neither wives nor daughters, I’ll address this as to an adult niece.

Arnold has been accused mostly of feeling women up. Guys shouldn’t be putting their hands on you in an intimate manner without your consent, and you definitely shouldn’t just put up with it.

Note, however, that matters of intimacy often don’t involve formal businesslike negotiations and written agreements. Even the nicey-nice Disney song involves Sebastian demanding that the guy “Kiss the Girl”- not that he ask Ariel to sign a consent form.

Figuring out women’s signals can be a bit ambiguous, then. Therefore, the first thing to keep in mind is to not be leading guys on or putting yourself in obvious likely situations to be receiving unwanted advances, ie by attending drunken parties at frat houses. This will avoid most problems.

However, sometimes signals get mistook, or guys start getting ahead of themselves. You might get touched inappropriately a time or two in life. It will then be your responsibility to form an appropriate response.

If some schmuck feels you up inappropriately, depending on the circumstances, the likely appropriate response would be simply to slap his face. Tell him to back off in no uncertain terms. This would likely be more than enough to give the likes of Schwarzenegger a clue.

Most likely that will end the problem. Whatever he may have thought before, that should make it clear that you’re not interested. Usually that will be the end of it. Clear message delivered with minimal fuss: not interested.

If the dude doesn’t want to take no for an answer, however, then you may have to escalate. If he persists, or comes back repeatedly over time, then do whatever you minimally need to do to stop it. A good dose of mace, or a talk with management if you’re in a workplace situation may become necessary. If some bastard won’t take a clue, you might need to call the cops. Or Uncle Al.

In any case, don’t be trumping up some cheap sense of victimhood later. This won’t benefit you. Don’t be talking yourself into feeling all traumatized or victimized over some guy making a dumb pass at you. Don’t be creating unnecessary drama. Don’t be trying to destroy a guy over a little of nothing. That’s not fair to him. More importantly, that’s not good for your own soul.

Now, if the guy really means you violence, if he’s trying to rape you, that’s another issue. Just kill him if you can. Here’s a nice little handgun you can fit in your purse, just in case. Do you want to go out back and blast a couple of practice rounds?

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  • John Mudd

    Arnold should announce that, if any of the allegations against him are true, that he will let these women slap him in the face openly, before a public forum. He should also propose that, if elected governor, he will do something to help curb sexual harassment and sexual assault in the state. Both of these would be positive leadership moves on his part, and both would certainly beat the denials, which have obviously cost him a great deal of support.

  • Phillip Winn

    Bravo, John! He should announce just such a course of action tomorrow, his first day as Governor-elect!

  • Eric Olsen

    His attitude toward these women – whether he can be truly conciliatory – will immediately determine his effectiveness as a leader and show whether or not he has the capacity for change and growth. I think we will know very shortly.

  • Dawn

    Does this advice apply to husbands who are constantly grabbing as they call it “your oh so ample ass”?

  • Laurie K.

    Ladies, do yourselves a favor. If someone plays grabass with you and you don’t care for it, do something about it at the time, won’t you? By coming forward later, you show yourselves to be cowards, media whores, and you insult the integrity of woman-kind, most of whom have no problem letting guys know when copping a feel is and isn’t OK. This retroactive victimhood thing makes me sick. If you didn’t care enough to do anything about it then, I’ll just assume it was OK with you. Don’t expect me to get worked up on your behalf years after the fact.

    Laurie K.