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Absurdity on Capitol Hill

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Ladies and Gentlemen, if I may have your attention!

Thank you.

We have all come together this evening to honor the next recipients of the “Polysemous Politician” award or, as we affectionately call it, the Pee-Pee!

As you know, throughout the year our committee painstakingly monitors the activities of people in public service on the federal, state or local level, whether Democrat or Republican, to find the person or people who, in our humble opinion, make a notable, shall we say, impression on the political landscape of these here United States. We do this by reviewing all legislative proposals, without regard to whether or not such legislation is eventually adopted. What we look for are actions which can be termed as nothing short of staggering. We seek those special someones who, by the very nature of what they say and do, astonish us, makes us speechless in incredulity and agog in wonder! Please note (and I cannot emphasize strongly enough the importance of what I am about to say), that our choice is not an endorsement of the views politicians we choose espouse. The committee prides itself on keeping its personal political opinions out of the selection process.

The competition is always fierce. Indeed, as usual, our elected officials have been very active filing proposals on a variety of subjects including gun control, abortion, labor unions and emigration, to name a few. Our current recipients, the proposed legislation which attracted out attention was initially sponsored by two people, chose to focus on a subject which by all accounts required no legislation. Until they made their voices heard, there was no pressing issue which needed resolving. There was no outcry from their constituencies nor from the public in general. As with so much of the activity on the Hill, carried out in concert with large (and very wealthy) special interest groups, likely their actions served a specific agenda, but in a litigious society such as ours it would be foolhardy for us to speculate out loud just how tangible the goal of said agenda might be.

Before we bring out our winners, let us give you the title of the proposed legislation:

S. 462: United States-Israel Strategic Partnership Act of 2013
113th Congress, 2013–2015. Text as of Mar 05, 2013 (Introduced).
To enhance the strategic partnership between the United States and Israel.

This bill and the significance of its provisions are best summarized by Mike Coogan, legislative coordinator, U.S. Campaign to End Israeli Occupation. Our committee found section 9 of this bill particularly interesting, as it would, as Glen Greenwald of The Guardian wrote, “Uniquely exempt Israel from long-standing requirements imposed on all other nations.”

Mr. Greenwald goes on to say, “More amazingly, the only purpose of this exemption from these US senators would be to allow Israel to discriminate against the citizens of the country these senators are supposed to represent.” Need we say more?

Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, I give you,

Barbara Boxer, Democrat from California and Roy Blunt, Republican from Missouri.

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About A. J. Aston