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A Test for Vapidity in One Question

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About a week ago, former pornstar Bree Olson (also formerly known as one of Charlie Sheen’s “goddesses”) was interviewed by Marlow Stern at The Daily Beast. The interview is a puff piece. The questions range from “So what was being Charlie’s girlfriend like?” to “How did you get the name Bree Olson?” Fine, fine. I read it because I thought there might be some juicy gossip about Chuckers banging rails of cocaine the length of a bowling alley, but no such luck.

By the end I was bored to tears. In a nutshell: Former pornstar, doesn’t do half the crazy stuff you think, never saw Chuckers around cocaine, blah, blah, wants to go into mainstream acting.  Peel me off the floor.

The most interesting question and answer in the whole interview is the last one. He asks the laziest question an interviewer can ask: “Is there anything else you’d like to tell me?”

This is like asking somebody, “So has anything ever happened to you?” or “What interests do you have?” or “What do you think of life?” It’s not even really a question. It’s a lead-in to self-promotion. The interviewer has squeezed whatever there was out of the subject and is now giving them an opening to promote themselves or their website or anything.

You’d think this would be a slam dunk for Bree. She’d already talked about getting into mainstream acting:

“I’m a total True Bee! True Blood totally inspired me, and when I watch the show, I say to myself, “I could be a character like Sookie.” (Sookie is played by Golden Globe and Oscar winner Anna Paquin.)

This is like a 23-year-old who played D-1 college basketball saying he’d like to do something like Kevin Durant does. It’s a little delusional, but fine, go for it, Bree! Here’s your shot. He gave you the most open-ended question in the history of the planet. Knock it out of the park. Make a plea for a part. Say the showrunners name. Or a director. Or an actor you like. Talk about your acting classes. Direct them to your website or your agent or say you’re looking for an agent. The Daily Beast gets about 10 million visitors a month. It’s no New York Times but you gotta start somewhere.

Bree’s response?

“I love my little kitty, Dr. Sniffles. I was premed at the time, so that’s where the doctor part came from, and Sniffles, I just thought it was cute. I was like, “What can she cure?” And she makes me happy, so she cures sadness.”

Your cat? You could say anything at all. Anything. You want to tell us you love your cat? Your fricking cat? I see. Well, I know a kid with a thing for turtles and face paint that you might be perfect for.

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  • Louise

    UGH…pathetic paper, she did not say something negative about Sheen so you are bored..well it is say so much more about you and not in a very good way than on this starlet wannabee

  • Himbokal

    I wasn’t bored because she didn’t say anything bad about Sheen. I was bored because she didn’t say anything about anything at all (which is why I finished with her saying the ultimate nothing which that she likes her pet). What did you take away from the interview, Louise? When you finished reading it, did you think, “Wow, I feel like I know her and what it was like to have a relationship with Charlie Sheen. What an enlightening article.”

  • matt

    My cat’s name is Mittens!

    With insights like that I think she’ll find it hard to transition to anything serious.