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A Pox on All Their Houses — White, Senate, and House

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Who was that Greek guy who wandered around with a lantern looking for an honest man? Democrates, Ionocles, Parmenides? Who cares. Talk about a dumb way to find what he was looking for.

"Excuse me sir," he'd say, "do you mind if I shine this light in your eyes to see if you're honest?"

He probably got punched in the nose more often than not. Well, it's the same problem here in the good old U.S. of A. We're  looking for an honest politician — just one who isn't a blithering idiot — from either party.

Here's some news that's gonna rock your socks off. Bush vetoes bill setting timeline for withdrawl from Iraq. Wow. I didn't believe he was going to it, did you?  I mean, only the second veto in the history of the Bush administration.  Time for champagne and caviar if I read my Republicans right.

Said our president, "Members of the House and Senate passed a bill that substitutes the opinions of politicians for the judgment of our military commanders," Bush said on the fourth anniversary of the "Mission Accomplished" speech in which he prematurely declared an end to major hostilities in Iraq. Uh, Busher, have you been listening to your commanders? They think you're a butthead. From the beginning, you and your merry men have done nothing but make things worse.

But not to worry. Ever since the Democraps took over the Congress, they've been vying for who's more stupid — you or them. Do the Demomorons know how embarassing it is to have to agree with the worst president since Millard Fillmore? 

Hey, Joe Biden, spokesman for Hairclub for Men and sometime Senator at fishfry says, "We're gonna shove it down his throat." What, the fish? No, alas, the stupid bill. Don't you just love it when Democrats talk tough? But, at least they're talking. Other than what's his name, the Vietnam war hero — you know, big deal four years ago. Rats. Elmer Fudd? No. Gimme a minute. It's late. John McCain. That's it. Other than old John, you wouldn't know that there are any Republicans — like rats jumping off a sinking ship, they don't know which way to turn.

I'm all for telling the Iraqis to go jump in a lake, but is there someone, anyone in Washington who has a strategic bone in their body who can either figure out a way to win or simply say, "As of today, we are history, you morons. Go kill yourselves. Yeah, it's our fault. We should have left you with Saddam so he could slaughter you. You wanna kill women and children with your pathetic bombs, be our guest, but it's no longer our battle."

Meanwhile, in so-called Palestine, Sheik Ahmad Bahr, acting Speaker of the Palestinian Legislative Council, declared during a Friday sermon at a Sudan mosque that America and Israel will be annihilated and called upon Allah to kill Jews and Americans "to the very Last One." And the Israelis and Americans are getting slammed by the Europukens for not being fair to the Islamo-Nazis? Gadfry Daniels, if someone said that about me, I'd shoot his fucking head off. Why are we pretending that the Palestine Legislative Council is anything but a bunch of buttheads, dedicated to preside over the destruction of their own people? I do feel sorry for the average Palestinian — what are they supposed to do? Incompetence or insantity. What a choice.

Gotta Love William F. Buckley. Talk about when the ship's sinking, women and pundits in the boats first. In a column in the last few hours, he pontificated, "The political problem of the Bush administration is grave, possibly beyond the point of rescue." Duh. He gets money to write that. My cat figured that out months ago, and she's almost 19.

Any good news? I'm going to DisneyWorld. Well, I'm not really, but if we don't get some good news, I'm going to start telling ethnic jokes and see what happens.

Congratulations to Busher and his Bushettes, to the Democratic Congress, to pundits and wiseguys all over our nation's capital. You've managed to make the U.S. both the laughing stock and the villain of the entire world. Who'd a thunk. I'm moving to Lithuania where the women are beautiful and willing and have no diseases.

For those of you trapped here, I can only say…

In Jameson Veritas

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About Mark Schannon

Retired crisis & risk manager/communications expert; extensive public relations experience in most areas over 30 years. Still available for extraordinary opportunities of mind-numbing complexity. Life-long liberal agnostic...or is that agnostic liberal.
  • Mark, keep writing some fine, vitriolic stuff like this and we’ll always have a place for you here in the heart of the Politics section.


  • Bless you lad…it usually erupts like a fever blister at 3 in the morning when I can’t sleep and my newly sought after calm, Buddhist sense of peace blows away like a leaf in the storm (yew…what a terrible analogy…I’m getting dull.)

    Bring on the attacks! The kid is almost…well, a little back…and,

    In Jameson Veritas

  • …blows away like a leaf in the storm (yew…

    Glad you told us what kind of leaf blew away…:>)

  • Just got it…”yew”…hate to admit it, but I laughed. sad, sad, sad.

  • troll

    Clavos – where’s your article on the latest antics of Snr Chavez – ?

  • Bliffle

    “A Pox on All Their Houses — White, Senate, and House”

    You’re right.

  • troll,

    Thanks for asking.

    I’ve actually got one started, but my wife had to go back into the hospital about ten days ago, and time suddenly became very scarce…

    She’ll be OK; not life threatening, but not to be dealt with at home, either. But, she does get pissed off if I bring the laptop with me when I go visit her…I wonder why? :>)

  • Mark,

    You know, I agree with you to some degree, but do remember a country most often gets the government it deserves. The majority of the (voting) population elected these people. If those who are taking up space in DC and elsewhere are such dolts, we have only ourselves to blame. We have to learn not to be such dupes.

    How anyone can listen to almost any political speech and actually believe any of it is beyond me. I cringe when I hear candidates tell you all the great and wonderful pie in the sky things they will accomplish when they take office. Who are they kidding? (Pretty much all of us, it would seem.)

    Actually, I don’t believe that most politicians are crooks, or stupid, but the electoral system as it has evolved demands that they say and do things that will offend the fewest number of people. Of course, then they step up to the podium and through the “brain fart” process manage to offend about everybody.

    I think it would be great if political handlers, campaign managers and the like would be outlawed. Every candidate, at whatever level would be on his or her own. They would have to write their own speeches, set their own agendas. Perhaps the ones who manage to best avoid stepping in their own crap would win. Probably not, though. We have voted in a lot of shitheads over the years. Again, we get the government we deserve.


  • Clavos, sorry to hear about your wife. Hope she recovers quickly. You can always hide the laptop in a copy of Playboy…

    Baritone, I agree completely. We, taken loosely, voted those morons in, we have to take responsibility. Having met lots of pols, I also agree that they’re not, by nature, assholes, but our system forces them to be. It’s an age old problem, and I’m too old to figure out a solution.

    Except of course for,

    In Jameson Veritas

  • Ruvy in Jerusalem


    I also hope your wife recovers quickly. But don’t hide your laptop in a copy of Playboy – it’s too tame. Try Penthouse instead – or Maxim…

    If you really want her eyebrows to hit her hairline, hide it under a copy of Cosmopolitan…

  • Ruvy:

    If you really want her eyebrows to hit her hairline, hide it under a copy of Cosmopolitan…

    I know LOL is a cliche online, but I literally DID LOL on that line, and so did my wife.


  • My teenager leaves a lot of copies of Cosmo Girl lying around. I could lend you one of those.

    If your wife is laughing at stuff you read her from here then she’s bound to get better. It is the best medicine, after all.


  • Zedd


    Very clever. Its so good to read something that isn’t polarizing; straight talk in a funny way.

    However you forgot to add, we the people, in your indictment or course. I think we are more guilty than our leaders.

  • Reuven, I’m with Clavos, I too laughed out loud. Good one.

    Zedd, thanks. Baritone made the same comment & I agree with both of you. As the sage said, “When the outhouse stinks, you gotta ask who last visited it.” What that means I don’t know, but a nation of morons elects moronic leaders to take them down the fairy path to oblivion.

    And I’ll close simply with…

    In Jameson Veritas

  • Zedd


    That is hilarious about the outhouse!!

    Tell me again what “In Jameson Veritas” means and why you quote it.

  • troll

    Clavos – my best good thoughts to you and your wife

    let her know that she’s got fans she doesn’t even know about out here…

  • Thanks, troll. I will tell her for sure.

    And thanks, to you too, Mark.

    Ruvy, thanks as well; especially for helping me to make her laugh…

    Y Dave, gracias tambien a ti, mi amigo Libertario en Tejas.

    Over time, I’ve told her a little about all of you; I know she”l be delighted to hear about all your good wishes tomorrow.

    I’d better stop, I’m beginning to sound like I’ve been raiding Mark’s Jameson.

  • I’m not sure, but I believe loosely translated “Jameson Veritas” means “In Irish Whiskey find truth.” If not, it should be.


  • Clavos,

    I know we have only exchanged the odd comment during the past few months, but I, too lend my thoughts to you and your wife.

    I nearly lost my wife to diverticulosis a few years ago. It came out of nowhere. But she made it.

    Personally, I think a better choice would be either a Victoria’s Secret catalogue or a large print edition of It Takes a Village.


  • RJ


    Give your lady my best.

  • Zedd

    RJ Clavos:

    Give your lady my best.

    Yes Clavos.

    Also make sure to take care of yourself WELL.

  • Baritone,

    Thanks. I like the VC catalog idea; I can look thru it first!


    Thanks, I will.


    Thank you. The advice to take care of myself is good; It reinforces the idea I already had from some of your comments over recent months that you’re a good Mom. :>)

  • First of all, thanks to all for a asshole-free comments section. We may not have delved deeply into the outhouse, but at least we remain clean and pure. Restores my faith in something…I’m not sure what.

    You’re close Baritone. In Jameson Veritas is from the Latin In Vino Veritas, which means that in the drinking of wine, the truth will emerge, i.e. drunks can’t lie.

    As much as a wino as I am, I’ve developed a not very severe addiction to Jameson Irish Whiskey…hence, I cannot tell a lie as long as I’ve got my glass of Jameson by me.


    In Jameson Veritas

  • Zedd


    I know nothing about the drink so the Jameson thing had me.

  • Mark,

    A funny story.

    My son went to see about joining a tennis club in the small German town where he is living. I think the club actually competes with other similar clubs in the area.

    My son walked into an area adjacent to the courts to find a group of the club’s players sitting around a clatch of small tables. He introduced himself, and with racket in hand asked if anyone would consent to hitting some with him to see if he was good enough to join the team. They motioned for him to sit at the table with them and proceeded to pour him a large glass of some Kentucky bourbon. One fellow then said, today we drink whiskey. Monday morning you come and we’ll play tennis.

    They all sat drinking the bourbon and talking of about everything but tennis. They finished, he rose and shook hands with a few of them and bid them fairwell. They told him as he started to leave that he drank his whiskey well which was more than half the battle in joining the club. The quality of his tennis game was somewhat less important, but they would see about that at 9:00 Monday morning.


  • Baritone,

    My kind of club, even if they’re drinking the wrong stuff. If your son really wants to win them over, have him introduce them to Jameson Irish Whiskey (when the hell are the Jameson people going to notice how much I promote them & send me a case of Middleton–the very high brow Irish–in thanks…Ungrateful people)

    But a cute story. Thanks.


    In Jameson Veritas