Who was that Greek guy who wandered around with a lantern looking for an honest man? Democrates, Ionocles, Parmenides? Who cares. Talk about a dumb way to find what he was looking for.
"Excuse me sir," he'd say, "do you mind if I shine this light in your eyes to see if you're honest?"
He probably got punched in the nose more often than not. Well, it's the same problem here in the good old U.S. of A. We're looking for an honest politician — just one who isn't a blithering idiot — from either party.
Here's some news that's gonna rock your socks off. Bush vetoes bill setting timeline for withdrawl from Iraq. Wow. I didn't believe he was going to it, did you? I mean, only the second veto in the history of the Bush administration. Time for champagne and caviar if I read my Republicans right.
Said our president, "Members of the House and Senate passed a bill that substitutes the opinions of politicians for the judgment of our military commanders," Bush said on the fourth anniversary of the "Mission Accomplished" speech in which he prematurely declared an end to major hostilities in Iraq. Uh, Busher, have you been listening to your commanders? They think you're a butthead. From the beginning, you and your merry men have done nothing but make things worse.
But not to worry. Ever since the Democraps took over the Congress, they've been vying for who's more stupid — you or them. Do the Demomorons know how embarassing it is to have to agree with the worst president since Millard Fillmore?
Hey, Joe Biden, spokesman for Hairclub for Men and sometime Senator at fishfry says, "We're gonna shove it down his throat." What, the fish? No, alas, the stupid bill. Don't you just love it when Democrats talk tough? But, at least they're talking. Other than what's his name, the Vietnam war hero — you know, big deal four years ago. Rats. Elmer Fudd? No. Gimme a minute. It's late. John McCain. That's it. Other than old John, you wouldn't know that there are any Republicans — like rats jumping off a sinking ship, they don't know which way to turn.
I'm all for telling the Iraqis to go jump in a lake, but is there someone, anyone in Washington who has a strategic bone in their body who can either figure out a way to win or simply say, "As of today, we are history, you morons. Go kill yourselves. Yeah, it's our fault. We should have left you with Saddam so he could slaughter you. You wanna kill women and children with your pathetic bombs, be our guest, but it's no longer our battle."
Meanwhile, in so-called Palestine, Sheik Ahmad Bahr, acting Speaker of the Palestinian Legislative Council, declared during a Friday sermon at a Sudan mosque that America and Israel will be annihilated and called upon Allah to kill Jews and Americans "to the very Last One." And the Israelis and Americans are getting slammed by the Europukens for not being fair to the Islamo-Nazis? Gadfry Daniels, if someone said that about me, I'd shoot his fucking head off. Why are we pretending that the Palestine Legislative Council is anything but a bunch of buttheads, dedicated to preside over the destruction of their own people? I do feel sorry for the average Palestinian — what are they supposed to do? Incompetence or insantity. What a choice.
Gotta Love William F. Buckley. Talk about when the ship's sinking, women and pundits in the boats first. In a column in the last few hours, he pontificated, "The political problem of the Bush administration is grave, possibly beyond the point of rescue." Duh. He gets money to write that. My cat figured that out months ago, and she's almost 19.
Any good news? I'm going to DisneyWorld. Well, I'm not really, but if we don't get some good news, I'm going to start telling ethnic jokes and see what happens.
Congratulations to Busher and his Bushettes, to the Democratic Congress, to pundits and wiseguys all over our nation's capital. You've managed to make the U.S. both the laughing stock and the villain of the entire world. Who'd a thunk. I'm moving to Lithuania where the women are beautiful and willing and have no diseases.
For those of you trapped here, I can only say…
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