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A Mother’s Eyes

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I’m amused by my friend’s view of her son’s sexuality. He’s a strapping, athletic male of 28. Nevertheless, in my friend’s eyes, “Ian” is a victim of a succession of marauding females.

The tragedy just happened again. Ian disappeared for three days and didn’t call. When she told me I had to smile. Sure enough, he was last seen in the company of an amorous female. She is suspected to have something to do with his disappearance.

My friend, “Maggie,” describes her son as a retiring guy set loose in a world of demons. According to her, he doesn’t believe in premarital sex. I don’t know him, but I don’t know that many young guys who feel that way. It turned out that he did eventually have sex with his schoolteacher girlfriend but sadly, they parted because she smokes ice. He moved back to be near his mother but she doesn’t really have a proper place for him to stay.

In no time, he ended up staying on the couch of a nice girl he met. It turns out though that she has worked as a stripper. That’s how my friend told it, her son primly sleeping on the couch while his stripper hostess sleeps in the bedroom. Just heard that they eventually did have sex. [Maggie tells me these things whether I want to hear it or not.] Maybe these girls like forbidden fruit.

That was the latest development until the last disappearance. It could be that Ian has some kind of Christian belief about sexual morality that slows things down some. Once I had occasion to call Ian. I heard crude rap music playing and a brusque young guy answered the phone. Turns out this was a friend if his. He himself was polite. His mom says they only play rap when that friend comes over.

A long time ago Maggie told me that when he was a teenager, a female adult neighbor “took” Ian’s virginity. This really bothered her. I wonder if it was much of a struggle. Maggie herself is a hippie. She owns The Magic Limo that I wrote about on another thread.

I’m not a parent. I notice that a lot of parents see their kids as sexually innocent no matter how unlikely that may be. I guess something about changing diapers does that to you. I hope that Ian will be safe out there, 6’3″ that he is.

written in spring of 2004
Ed/Pub:NB

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About Cerulean

  • http://musical-guru.blogspot.com Michael J. West

    Hee! It’s true, mothers do live in a bit of a vacuum where their kids’ sexuality is concerned. My own mother is a prime example. A couple of weeks ago, I and my girlfriend of a year and a half went to Mom’s mountain cabin for the weekend. The week before, my mom went up by herself to clean up for us…and make up two beds. :-)

  • http://blogcritics.org/author.php?author=Cerulean Cerulean

    Thanks for your observation. Yes, boys are innocent naifs. I referred to another thread here that I haven’t put up yet but I will in the next day.

  • http://www.elitistpig.com Dave Nalle

    Michael, it could just be that your mom was subtly trying to make a point.

    Thank god we Dad’s aren’t afflicted with this naivete. We know what’s going on and we own the shotguns to prove it.

    Dave

  • http://musical-guru.blogspot.com Michael J. West

    Thanks, Dave; in a way she was making a point. It was her move in what I call “maintaining the polite fiction.” That is to say, she makes up two beds for us, then when we leave we strip both beds. We’re happy, she’s happy.

  • http://www.bhwblog.com bhw

    “maintaining the polite fiction”

    Perfect description!

    You’re doing the right thing. Your mother wants to have plausible deniability for her own comfort and for any time she has to look your girlfriend’s mother or father in the eye. She can say with a clean conscience that she didn’t condone or contribute to their daughter’s nekkid debauchery.

  • http://dianahartman.blogspot.com/ diana hartman

    ah you guys be nice to your moms…

    at 17, my daughter announced her intention to sleep with her boyfriend of 6 months while i was driving 55 mph through the busiest intersection in town…i didn’t lose control of the vehicle because every muscle in my upper body atrophied right then and there…thank god there were no curves…my husband was in iraq at the time and in the interest of only having good news when he called, i didn’t tell him about it til he got back and still i only said they had a “special relationship” — wherein he moved us to the other side of the world…coincidence?
    probably…

    i’ve been discussing sex, drugs, and casseroles with my kids since they were little…they know they can come to me and they often have…my daughter and i had had several discussions in the previous months leading up to my not losing control of the vehicle…once i loosend my grip on the wheel, we discussed things still more and she put the decision off for 30 days while we got her on birth control…
    it’s a rough thing when what a parent has prepared for all along suddenly comes a callin’ in the form of some horndog snorting at the front door…
    fortunately, her horndog was at least an eagle scout who then joined the marine corps and deployed to iraq twice…

    almost 20, my daughter is a responsible, employed, and college attending young woman who goes to the gym, eats right, and has the same boyfriend she’s always had with the exception of the year when they “took a break”…she brought all manner of lowlifes to our door where my 6’4″ marine husband met them with a receptive grimace and somehow always right in the middle of cleaning a shotgun that hasn’t fired since 1964…

    that “polite fiction” is every mom’s way of resolving your reality with hers…she’s seen your parts for cryin’ out loud, what do you expect her to do? oh, i ache to think of those moms who never told their kids all about sex and how it works and how it feels and what should and should not happen…i feel for them cos it’s this rough for me, i can’t imagine how rough it is for them…

    be nice to your mothers and always always always use a condom!

  • http://musical-guru.blogspot.com Michael J. West

    Hey, now, Diana. Don’t you think that maintaining the polite fiction IS being nice to your mother? If I wanted to be mean I could throw it right in her face that I’m having sex with my girlfriend in her bed. But no. She lays out the game and I play along; I can’t think of a nicer thing to do under the circumstances.

  • http://dianahartman.blogspot.com/ diana hartman

    yes michael, that is nice :)

  • http://www.bobice-bolieve.blogspot.com Jewels

    Seen it, experienced it. “Little Jerry” (we were both 15)who I lived down the street from me, had a thing for me apparently; one night after a game of ’21’ in the drive (I could shoot a mean hoop) he invited me in for a Dr. Pepper. Well he should have just kept it to ‘Pepper as he was really fired up! No sooner than we hit the kitchen and I anticipated a cold one (soda) from the fridge, he jumped me. Now I know I should have been able to take him, I was like 98 pounds and he a mere 210. But I was a female and we can be so evil. Anyway a lot of thrashing about ensued and fighting; I had never ‘done it’ before and it wasn’t going to be with him! My shirt got ripped; and then suddenly the door to the hall opened and there to my sweaty eyes did appear ol’ Jerry’s Mom. His folks had stepped out to the store and returned. She came at me like a (OK she was like 250 pounds) Rhino, picked me up, and proceeded to scream stuff I chose to forget at me. She sort of slung me under her arm and hauled me to my house. Eyes blazing she informed my parents that I was trying to seduce her son.

    Yeah, I wanted some of that like I wanted to step in dog-doo. It was Icky.

  • http://blogcritics.org/author.php?author=Cerulean Cerulean

    Wow. I’m sorry that happened to you Jewels, but I’m glad it stopped when it did. You sure proved my point. Well-written. Diana’s comment was very well-written too. There’s a good discussion on this thread.