Among my favorite photographs of him. Love is in the details right? I grew up in Europe and in France and in England and Scotland and traveling through Italy and Spain and so was always seeing these stone saints everywhere I went. They were always watching over me, no matter where I was – their stiff fingers pointing skyward, often a finger missing ~ some superstition that if you steal the finger that points it will bring you luck or some such thing. If you ask me, I would guess the opposite to be true: that doing such a thing would send you straight to hell, but what the heck do I know. I did note today that I found a saint right here in my neighborhood (turned to stone of course) and he was, indeed, missing the pointing finger, so I suppose this tradition has carried over to America, or at least, the Italian section where I live in Boston.
I keep reading these articles and books that tell me of the myth of monogamy. That we are animals and that mating for life is just not natural and etc and while I do not dispute the animal part, because that would be just too stupid for words, what I do dispute is that all animals are necessarily not monogamous or are infact promiscuous be
cause of some Darwinistic notion that wouldn’t even make sense. I think if you studied Darwin, one would know that, for the most part, it doesn’t make too much sense to be promiscuous because of disease and family and etc and that in order to survive, we need to stay within packs and prides and gaggles and murders (a murder of crows) and the like. That we need to stick together.
Perhaps that means that in my group, let’s say, that all of us Episcopalians are mostly monogamous but we all sleep with each other, sort of like that film (which I love, by the way), The Ice Storm and the awful key party fiasco. Watch it and you’ll see. This is what happens when everybody starts fucking everybody else. Things just sort of fall apart and whatever judgment you make – and I make no judgment – it may be right for you, wrong for me, or vice versa. I cannot say. I can say at this moment that I find this to be wrong for me. That i don’t think it would be helpful and that more, I would not like my husband to sleep with other women. If he wants to, I suppose I can’t stop him and I would rather he not lie, and so therefore I tell him, If you must, just don’t treat me like an idiot: don’t lie to me and come home stinking of her….
That much seems fair to me. Does it not?
Animals. Are there not animals that are monogamous? I once watched a whole program about certain animals that were monogamous, oddly, most of them living in Greenland for some reason. Maybe it is underpopulated and there isn’t much temptation, or Lo! Maybe, just maybe, these gulls or cliff swallows or penguins etc are actually just happy being with each other and the one they are with and at least, the film I saw, even after one of the birds had died, the other bird remained monogamous for the rest of its natural life according to their tracking and their notes.
Why make this up? Why create a whole documentary that is bullshit about cliff swallows? So, I have no reason to doubt. I believe it. And if I believe this, then why is it so hard to believe that we too can be totally monogamous? That we can, hey, let’s get really corny, be like Abba and “take a chance on me…” and only me and mean it and Just Say No to some other because, shit, you know and I know that you’ve been down that road before and it just isn’t even worth it or interesting or any of the other things I could say because you already know them. Do what you have to do, but god, think about it first.
I’ve been on both sides. I won’t reiterate. You can read my work here on this topic and at www.tantmieux.squarespace.com and interviews etc. I’ve worked with private detectives on cases; I’ve seen the seediest side. I have tracked down lovers through cellphone bills and unlisted numbers and IP addressees and been given no more than a single cellular number and told to find this person — and I’ve done it. And when they found this person, then they found the spouse. They then knew where to look. I did this for a while to see the underbelly of marriage I suppose and also, to know what I was writing about. How can you write about something without having seen it, been on both sides of the issue, having lived it? What is your authority if not this? I’ve been on both sides, sad to say. Both mistress and wife. I choose both. I choose to be his lover first and his wife second. I choose to be his. I choose this one. I choose him because anyone that would tolerate my epileptic, opinionated, manic and annoying and insomniac totally compulsive germophobic workaholic obsessive self must be close to a saint, albeit not stone, and thank god for that ~~ a person, simple and flawed in all his glory and I love him to death.
No, this is not just a tribute or some silly love story and no this is not profound either. Really, what I had originally written was accidentally erased when my computer crashed and I got to thinking and so this is what I write. I write what I think at this moment because this moment right now feels important to me and I’m not quite sure why but I do know that I want to share these thoughts with you, because although we may disagree, I believe in the Goodness of people and I believe in free exchange and I believe in a country in which we don’t have to fight and cut each other off and give each other the finger or flame and be pissy and pithy and so on because Enough of that. Just say No. No and No and No and No and to honesty and fidelity and truth and all of these things that you know are good, say yes.
Elliot Smith would have loved your for it. May he rest in peace.
Thanks for reading.