Wahhhh! The NFL makes rules for the New England Patriots so they can win all the Super Bowls!
FYI: The new Tom Brady Rule nearly lost us the Bills game in Week 1 with two terrible calls on Vince Wilfork and Adalius Thomas. Joe Flacco took advantage of the rule last week as well. The rule sucks. There’s no defending it. But we aren’t the only mopes benefiting from it.
If the NFL really wanted the Patriots to win all the time, then why the hell would the Steelers and Colts have rings? I love the constant Boston hate; even when we’re not on top anymore. Bud Selig works for the Red Sox! David Stern was Doc Rivers’ godfather! Roger Goodell heavily invests in Kraft Mac & Cheese!
We beat arguably the best team in football last week and the only thing they had for us after the game was excuses. And Ray Lewis and Ed Reed don’t get fined for their whining after the game? Really? Don’t make me make an inappropriate Jared Gaither joke, Ravens!
Hoo. Okay. I’m better.
Sunday afternoon, the Patriots hike up into the thin air of Denver, Colorado to take on the undefeated Broncos.
The Broncos have figured out a clever way to go undefeated this season. Play crappy teams! The Bengals are the only team of the first four with a fighting chance at the playoffs. The Raiders? Crappy. The Browns? Craaaaappy. The Cowboys? Expensive and crappy.
But before I get into the Broncos and Pats, let me take this opportunity to personally thank Mike Tannenbaum.
Mike. I really appreciate you going out of your way giving up a solid young receiver, a decent reserve linebacker and two draft picks for the most unreliable receiver in the history of the sport. I’m very much looking forward to our November rematch when it comes down to the final play and Braylon Edwards makes Mark Clayton look like Lynn Swann. Braylon Edwards? Really? This is the guy who’s gonna get you over the hump and into the postseason and beyond? The guy who was fighting LeBron’s groupies just days earlier? That Braylon Edwards? The guy who led the league in dropped passes last season and hasn’t had any this year ‘cause they don’t throw to him anymore? That Braylon Edwards? Again, thanks Mike. We really appreciate you handing us the AFC East this season. Better luck next year. Maybe you can find a receiver in the draft. Oh, right.
Anyway, the Broncos. The most unproven of the five remaining undefeated. Only 26 points given up through four games. Pretty good. The second-best defense has given up more than twice as much. But, again: Raiders, Browns, Cowboys. Not exactly Jets, Falcons, Ravens.
Kyle Orton has looked great for a complete and utter drunk. Brandon Marshall has stopped whining for a couple weeks and is starting to turn it on. Knowshon Moreno could be dangerous. Champ Bailey is still Champ Bailey. Josh McDaniels hasn’t broken down and wept on the sidelines yet. But, again: Raiders, Browns, Cowboys.
The Patriots will be the first real test for the Broncs. Vince Wilfork and Gary Guyton should hit Orton enough in this contest to turn him right back to the bottle and from there the Broncos season will spiral into a year-long bender, a la Kerry Collins in his late Panthers years.
Forecast: The Patriots bring the Broncos back to Earth. Student genuflects at the knee of Master. The Broncos will win their crappy division and bow out in the first round. But it’s definitely surprising that after that ridiculous Cutler/Marshall offseason, Josh McDaniels is gonna have a job in 2010.
Prediction: New England 34 Denver 26
MVP: WR – Randy Moss: Moss hauls in three scores in a Mile High shootout. I had a mile-high shootout once on the roof of a biplane. That bald eagle just barely got away.