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A Mile High? Why Not Two?

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Wahhhh! The NFL makes rules for the New England Patriots so they can win all the Super Bowls!

FYI: The new Tom Brady Rule nearly lost us the Bills game in Week 1 with two terrible calls on Vince Wilfork and Adalius Thomas. Joe Flacco took advantage of the rule last week as well. The rule sucks. There’s no defending it. But we aren’t the only mopes benefiting from it.

If the NFL really wanted the Patriots to win all the time, then why the hell would the Steelers and Colts have rings? I love the constant Boston hate; even when we’re not on top anymore. Bud Selig works for the Red Sox! David Stern was Doc Rivers’ godfather! Roger Goodell heavily invests in Kraft Mac & Cheese!

We beat arguably the best team in football last week and the only thing they had for us after the game was excuses. And Ray Lewis and Ed Reed don’t get fined for their whining after the game? Really? Don’t make me make an inappropriate Jared Gaither joke, Ravens!

Hoo. Okay. I’m better.

Sunday afternoon, the Patriots hike up into the thin air of Denver, Colorado to take on the undefeated Broncos.

The Broncos have figured out a clever way to go undefeated this season. Play crappy teams! The Bengals are the only team of the first four with a fighting chance at the playoffs. The Raiders? Crappy. The Browns? Craaaaappy. The Cowboys? Expensive and crappy.

But before I get into the Broncos and Pats, let me take this opportunity to personally thank Mike Tannenbaum.

Mike. I really appreciate you going out of your way giving up a solid young receiver, a decent reserve linebacker and two draft picks for the most unreliable receiver in the history of the sport. I’m very much looking forward to our November rematch when it comes down to the final play and Braylon Edwards makes Mark Clayton look like Lynn Swann. Braylon Edwards? Really? This is the guy who’s gonna get you over the hump and into the postseason and beyond? The guy who was fighting LeBron’s groupies just days earlier? That Braylon Edwards? The guy who led the league in dropped passes last season and hasn’t had any this year ‘cause they don’t throw to him anymore? That Braylon Edwards? Again, thanks Mike. We really appreciate you handing us the AFC East this season. Better luck next year. Maybe you can find a receiver in the draft. Oh, right.

Anyway, the Broncos. The most unproven of the five remaining undefeated. Only 26 points given up through four games. Pretty good. The second-best defense has given up more than twice as much. But, again: Raiders, Browns, Cowboys. Not exactly Jets, Falcons, Ravens.

Kyle Orton has looked great for a complete and utter drunk. Brandon Marshall has stopped whining for a couple weeks and is starting to turn it on. Knowshon Moreno could be dangerous. Champ Bailey is still Champ Bailey. Josh McDaniels hasn’t broken down and wept on the sidelines yet. But, again: Raiders, Browns, Cowboys.

The Patriots will be the first real test for the Broncs. Vince Wilfork and Gary Guyton should hit Orton enough in this contest to turn him right back to the bottle and from there the Broncos season will spiral into a year-long bender, a la Kerry Collins in his late Panthers years.

Forecast: The Patriots bring the Broncos back to Earth. Student genuflects at the knee of Master. The Broncos will win their crappy division and bow out in the first round. But it’s definitely surprising that after that ridiculous Cutler/Marshall offseason, Josh McDaniels is gonna have a job in 2010.

New England 34 Denver 26

MVP: WR – Randy Moss: Moss hauls in three scores in a Mile High shootout. I had a mile-high shootout once on the roof of a biplane. That bald eagle just barely got away.

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About Ethan Booker

  • The Tom Brady Rule was applied incorrectly on the Wilfork penalty. According to my interpretation, the Tom Brady Rule protects only the quarterbacks whose talent and looks supersede the greater good of the game. But rest assured, the league reprimanded the referees in question and gave him a good floggin’.

  • That explains Flacco’s fifteen-yard penalty for “excessive use of unibrow”..

  • The Tom Brady Rule? Sounds like the well-known Fergie Time rule in the English Premier League, which states that if Manchester United are losing, time added at the end of the game will continue until they score.

    Anyway, I hope New England don’t score 36. The wife just picked up the Broncos defense for her fantasy football team. The Titans just weren’t doing it for her. Stupid dozensofpoints-giving-up bastards.

  • @Doc: Soccer has rules?

    Yeah, might not have been the right week to pick up Denver D. Apologize to your wife for me..

  • K Tucky

    Seems to me that the advantage is with the Broncos for this game. McDaniels knows everything about the Pats…weak spots and tendencies of their players, etc… Conversely, the Pats know little about the Broncos….Denver has a new D, new players (30 of them), new coach/s, etc… Granted, the Pats beating the Ravens last week was impressive. Other than that one game this year though, they’ve not exactly been a power house. Should be a great game!

  • @KT: McDaniels knows everything about the Pats…

    Because Belichick is well-known for never changing schemes or plays..

    the Pats know little about the Broncos….

    McD isn’t doing anything special.

    Other than that [Ravens] game this year though, [the Pats have] not exactly been a power house.

    Pats: Beat the Ravens (playoff team), beat the Falcons (playoff team), nearly beat the Jets (playoff team).

    Broncos: Beat the Bengals (possible playoff team), beat the Browns/Raiders/Cowboys (lottery teams).

  • Grampie Bob

    What the hell kinda’ name is Knowshon? Is that from that song Rock the Boat, “Oh I’d like to know where you got the Knowshon”

  • @Bob: Still not as bad as Chone..

  • K Tucky

    So, Booker, if the Broncos only beat “crappy teams”, where does that put the Pats? Looks like the young grasshopper (McD) has snatched the pebble from his masters (Belly’s) palm.

  • Doug Hunter

    ebook, The Cowboys aren’t a lottery team. The Giants had to beat them with a last second field goal after being the beneficiaries of 4 turnovers and several freak plays (balls bouncing off people’s feet, etc) They’re a solid middle of the pack team who can beat the best or lose to the worst but won’t have much of a record because of the tough division.

  • Guh..