Monday , October 23 2017
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It's true this piece is done in verse, if only ER could be worse.

A Lament for ER

Dear Producers of the once great ER,
I must tell you that you’ve simply strayed too far.
For years you’ve recycled more than one old plot
Surely others have told you this, have they not?

Last night you started to take from other shows,
Why you went to Prison Break heaven only knows.
The plot certainly did steal from one with ER roots,
Yet with Sobricki it was a stabbing, not a gun that shoots.

And, this is much to my great dismay,
In the premiere not once did your theme song play.
And what of your once great credit roll,
Where, oh where, was that mighty scroll?

For at least three years you’ve used lighting to set the mood
Is this because your writing is simply all too crude?
You honestly believe that Stamos will save your arse?
Your show is no longer more than a sad old farce.

Where are the likes Carter, and Benton, and Greene?
The characters you have today are rather lean.
And don’t get me started on what Sam just did.
I don’t buy it, not even for the safety of her kid.

Have you completely lost your mind?
I know my words are quite unkind.
But I was always your biggest fan
And now your show is in the shit-can.

You’ve totally lost the ability to reason.
I pray to God that this will be your last season.
A “medical drama” you no longer are.
Who would’ve guessed you’d strayed so far?

This whole piece breaks my heart.
I loved you from the very start.
I’ve done this whole piece in rhyme.
To help you get back your sense of time.

I beg of you to go out this year on a high-note.
Or you’ll just make me want to slit my throat.
I’ve stuck with you for so very long
Don’t make me think I’ve been horribly wrong.

About Josh Lasser

Josh has deftly segued from a life of being pre-med to film school to television production to writing about the media in general. And by 'deftly' he means with agonizing second thoughts and the formation of an ulcer.

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