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A Cautionary Tale: Election Edition

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Let this be a cautionary tale for everyone.

There were a lot of news outlets covering “tha govanah” in California, but those who were truly paying attention saw that this whole recall election was just a front. If you were looking for the right things, you would have sensed the presence of the devil. You see, the devil made a pact with the superiors in heaven because the numbers in hell have been down lately with the longer life expectancy and all. He started making threats of fire and brimstone to be unleashed upon the masses if he didn’t get more people to push rocks.

Heaven is never really scared of the devil’s threats because he could never win the war, but when he gets mad, he really tends to put stains on the carpets and set fire to the drapes. What a pain! Ultimately they do need him because they don’t have anyplace else to send horrible people. So, they hatched this plan for the recall election to appease the devil.

Angel on high: “So, you see Devil, there will be a large number of people who come out to vote in this election. We should be able to fill at least one or two of your specified quotas with some of the voters.”

Devil: “Good because I am getting impatient. Ever since you guys changed the policy and stopped sending all the gay people to hell upon their death, it has been very difficult to sustain our way of life down here.”

Angel on high: “Well, as it turned out they didn’t deserve to go to hell. It’s too bad only the Episcopalians get it so far, but I am sure the other followers will come around soon. It always takes a long time. I mean there are some people who still don’t eat meat on Fridays, if you can believe that! In the meantime, we have found a group of people who will no doubt be able to fill all the voids that have been created by the continued enlightenment of heaven.”

Devil: “Good! This way I won’t have to murder innocents in another failed attempt at war on you.”

The meeting ended and the election began. The polls were filled with people all looking to express themselves through their vote. There were those who voted to keep Gray Davis. There were those that voted to recall him and vote for Bustamante and Arnold. These people were all allowed to pass back out of the doors of the voting centers for they were not a part of the larger plan today.

These were not the people that had been singled out by the forces of heaven and hell as worthy inhabitants of the fiery pits below. Slowly but surely after casting votes, anyone who voted for Gary Coleman or Mary Carey, was sucked through the appropriate layers of earth straight down to hell.

Devil: “HAHAHAHA The 21,000 morons will be pushing rocks soon enough pitiful human scum!”

Angel on high: “Well I can’t say we had any use for anyone that stupid up here either. Maybe next century we will create the new wing with padded walls. Until then they can go with you, Devil”

End of story. So, make sure you are very careful whom you vote for in the next election. If you are an idiot, you are going to hell. I don’t make the rules. I just report the facts.

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About Craig Lyndall

  • Eric Olsen

    Troubling if true

  • http://fando.blogs.com Natalie Davis

    (to a pulsing disco beat)

    Re-call Fe-vaaaah…