Our own Docent Shark, publisher of the Museum of Stupidity, has launched a 4th party platform worthy of everyone’s attention. And it’s so ridiculous that virtually anyone can pile on, regardless of their actual beliefs or formal affiliations.
Whether you are for or against this platform makes no difference. All are welcome under the Big Tent — and bring your banjo!
Please sign the petition in the comments section. The act of leaving a comment, pro or con, signs you up immediately and entitles you to design and wear your own SHARK FOR PRESIDENT button (and please get extra so we can pass them around).
Here then, repreinted in its entirety, is Shark’s 4th political party”
~THE REACTIONARY LIBERALS~
We believe in Peace. …And sometimes, ya just gotta KILL somebody to get it.
We believe the borders should be sealed tighter than Dick Cheney’s sphincter.
We believe in mandatory post-partum abortions for religious fundamentalists of all persuasions.
And we don’t discriminate: we loathe everybody.
We believe that within this decade, the only people still employed in America will be terrorists.
We believe Santa Claus is the Messiah, that BambiÂ’s mother died for our sins, and that RudolphÂ’s Nose, although able to lead our Savior in The Long Night of Shopping for Ginsu Knives, is unable to cure itself from an eternal radioactive glow caused by overexposure to television, cell phones, and the unknown effects of genetically-engineered deer corn.
We believe in carrying numerous credit cards, taking them to their limits, denying the debt—and that we will all die before the collection agencies can find a correct address.
We believe that the more you consume, the less you live.
We believe believe in leaving an estate that is bankrupt for generations to follow.
We believe the Pope saying Â“Trust GodÂ” while standing behind bulletproof glass tells us something about Faith.
appliances over love,
shoes over happiness,
mindless sex over erotic lucidity,
entertainment over activity,
spectacle over wakefulness,
shopping over prayer,
hypnosis over transcendence,
lying over honesty,
crimes over compassion.
WE ARE FOR abortion and AGAINST stem-cell researchÂ—since one decreases potential humans and the other increases a futile hope for those who suffer.
We are against abortion personally, but encourage it for others because it is the taking of life in a quest for convenience, one of the highest ideals of our culture.
We will vote for Compassionate Conservatives only in order to quicken the Apocalypse and reduce the duration of pain among the poor and the powerless.
We believe ALL species should be on the endangered list, but that Man is the only one that really belongs there.
We believe Art to be a Two People in Laz-E-Boys Watching Two Other People On Television Discussing The Purchase Of A Reproduction Of A Signed Numbered Print Of A Soup Can.
We believe that Lying in the only valid form of communication left in America.
We believe the fact that proves all facts are false.
We believe a Conservative Christian is like a leper in a hot tub. We believe Radical Islam is like Captain Hook offering to check your prostate.
We believe everything should be cheap and disposable, including Life.
We don’t take shit off machines.
We never answer the phone.
In short — although we’re kinda fucked up and schizophrenic — we’re very passionate.