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This clinched it for me:

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) – Socialite Nicky Hilton, heiress to the Hilton hotel fortune with elder sister Paris, is seeking to annul her 2-month-old marriage to money manager Todd Meister

We desperately need a referee. I think you see where I’m going with this… Just as the NBA has a 3 second in the paint rule, we, as a media saturated society urgently need a national ref that can blow the whistle on people who’ve had their 15 minutes of fame and need to get the hell out of the public eye! The Hilton sisters are a perfect example of this. These women are dangerous. It isn’t that they have no talent, no worth… They actually have a negative quotient of talent. They are less-than-worthless. I don’t mean this in the final analysis manner. That’s for God to decide… But in the here-and-now…

They have less than nothing going for them. Consequently, in a bizarre twist of societal physics, they actually pull all attention toward them. The proof can be found, as it so often is – at the Weekly World News. I have it from a completely unreliable source that the WWN has a series of photos of Paris entering a Ralph’s Grocery at 9040 Beverly Blvd. There was a table set up near the entrance where terribly cute yet inevitably obnoxious Girl Scouts were pedaling their near-narcotic cookies while their well-meaning yet amazingly vacuous mothers made a pathetic attempt at being shills.

A disclaimer for any males reading this: there are no lewd acts caught in one particular frame… I know… I looked… Repeatedly. Just…Not… There.

Anyway, in the series of photos as you see Paris strutting by you can see everyone glued to every millisecond that she’s in their sight… What everyone missed, and this still boggles my mind, are two MIRACLES happening in plain sight!

In frame 7 in the upper left grid you can clearly see the IMAGE OF THE VIRGIN MARY! This is no static image either! In frames 8, 9, and 10 you can see her waving, apparently trying to get people’s attention. In frame 11 and 12 you can clearly see disappointment on her face as people continue to stare at Paris, their bodies literally leaning toward Paris… In frames 13-16 the Holy Mother can be seen giving up in disgust and snatching several Thin Mints and a peanut butter Do-si-dos not from the sample plate but rather from the open boxes, which I believe is a California Health Code violation. Mary’s probably not up on all the regs and really, who among us is?

But an even great MIRACLE was happening at the same time opposite the Virgin Mary! If you’ll look a frame 8 where Paris is glancing at one of the girl scouts and mouthing an obvious obscenity… In the lower right grid you can clearly make out Bill O’Reilly not kicking the living crap out of another girl scout as she’s offering him a cookie sample! Not only this – but he doesn’t even reach for the numerous sexual paraphernalia hanging out of his pant’s pockets as he spies Paris!

No one saw ANY of this! All due to the black hole effect of Paris Hilton on media attention! I suggest here that we compose a list of (and this is a basketball term for those of you with minds in the gutter) of these cherry pickers – people hangin’ in the paint all day – people who’s 15 minutes of fame are long, long over…

Then we can appoint a national referee to blow the whistle on these people. Thusly tagged they’ll have to go into media seclusion for no less than two years. Regardless of how tempting it might be to drag them back out to see what they’ll do next. We must stand firm…

Except for the new reality television show I’m pitching to O’Reilly’s people right now – Queer Eye for that O’Reilly Guy. I can see that being a major revenue stream for perhaps ABC next year. God knows they need something! Anne Sweeney let’s do lunch!

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About Marlowe

  • Adam Bloom

    Very funny, :).

  • alethinos59

    Thanks… It would be if (sadly) it weren’t so true…

    Moments after the scene at the store entrance the Virgin Mary was seen in the store parking lot, keying Paris’ car, muttering to herself, “another damn fine miracle, shot ta hell!”

  • gioconda

    great. really funny.